tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081163247094703505.post5939604667592747288..comments2023-04-07T06:23:59.516-04:00Comments on Shades of Grey: To Bring Or Not To BringShades of Greyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02733139852424935591noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081163247094703505.post-90933607645335070832011-06-13T02:21:11.008-04:002011-06-13T02:21:11.008-04:00I feel like potluck-style is much more a student/y...I feel like potluck-style is much more a student/young singles thing - a shabbos table hosted by a family is usually a bit nicer, more kavodic, and therefore the meal is more cohesive and not potluck-style. Potluck is more casual....When I go to families I always bring a store-bought cake, chocolates, or wine (but I don't usually offer, I just bring). I have only once or twice seen other people bring side dishes, like a salad or kugle. I think if people offer, you should just tell them to bring whatever's easiest for them, like a dessert or wine.<br /><br />Good question!girl123https://www.blogger.com/profile/13405518456428246719noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081163247094703505.post-82769189688622586972011-05-31T18:12:40.077-04:002011-05-31T18:12:40.077-04:00I'm very possessive of my food and kitchen ......I'm very possessive of my food and kitchen ... so unless they're insistent I always just say "No need to bring anything -- just empty stomachs!"Chaviva Gordon-Bennetthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03332712096317076482noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081163247094703505.post-89893572363981368822011-05-31T16:21:14.908-04:002011-05-31T16:21:14.908-04:00I agree with the comments above. I totally underst...I agree with the comments above. I totally understand where ASoG is coming from, because in most communities aside from places like the Heights, guests will only bring something small like flowers or a bottle of wine or dessert- not something that seriously contributes to the meal. In that case, such as in the place where I grew up, guests do not offer to bring something, they just do. My parents always drop stuff at people's houses. No need to offer.<br /><br />The Heights is different. Meals that consist of singles, as Michael said above, are potluck and so everyone brings one dish. The host only makes the main dish and that is all. It is expected that each person at the meal will bring something substantial. I believe that this is due to the fact that people are young and a lot of people are in school so most people do not have tons of money to host a 15 person meal.<br /><br />What happens when people get married? Then things change slightly. Most people are of the opinion that once you get married, the whole potluck thing goes out the window. For some reason married people are expected to make the entire meal by themselves. This is partly because married couples only have a few guests over, so their meals are smaller and not as large as the singles meals in the heights, which on average are 10-15 people, sometimes larger. <br /><br />I understand that couples usually only have fewer people over, but my personal philosophy is: Just because someone got married does not mean they automatically became rich. Having a people over is expensive. If I was going to any other meal, I would bring a side dish, so why should I not do the same in this case, just because the person is married?<br /><br />I think most people disagree with me, and I know many of my single friends view going to married friends as a free ride, a break from having to make something, but they feel compelled to offer. My married friends similarly refuse to accept my offers to bring something, and instead will ask me to bring dessert or challah. I think that is a good compromise, because I really feel bad if I don't bring something, but they are still making the whole meal. I would be overjoyed if one of my married friends took me up on my offer to bring a side dish, but as I said, I might be in the minority on this one.SternGradhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04629199158696400120noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081163247094703505.post-89636470496834226992011-05-31T14:26:50.663-04:002011-05-31T14:26:50.663-04:00Harry-er - I didn't say the Breuers crowd didn...Harry-er - I didn't say the Breuers crowd didn't bring things, just that I am unaware what their practice is. In most cases I've experienced, people are far more likely to bring the gift on Friday than Shabbos itself, which circumvents that issue entirely.Shades of Greyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02733139852424935591noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081163247094703505.post-64571156110005775342011-05-31T13:28:56.208-04:002011-05-31T13:28:56.208-04:00maybe the breuers side doesn't do it because o...maybe the breuers side doesn't do it because of the lack (according to their standards) of an eruvharry-er than them allhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07957506180776134351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081163247094703505.post-35928689035003700442011-05-31T09:35:00.186-04:002011-05-31T09:35:00.186-04:00While the minhag for singles who host (other singl...While the minhag for singles who host (other singles) tends to be a "pot luck" style and expectation -to the point of individuals actually feeling bad or guilty if they did not contribute -it's not necessarily the same for couples. <br /><br />I have been to couples who made practically everything themselves. Still, I grew up in a family that said I should always take something (even if it's superfluous like another bottle of wine or a nice candy tray) so even if they say I shouldn't bring anything I still do. <br /><br />I think it's the sefardi in me, but I can't be sure.Ish Yehudihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09559113766026730554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081163247094703505.post-44131324968013394082011-05-31T09:29:14.109-04:002011-05-31T09:29:14.109-04:00I feel like ASOG which is why I always tell guests...I feel like ASOG which is why I always tell guests who want to come to bring me dessert, grape juice or challah. These are all store-bought items so I feel like they can "bring something" as it were, but nothing that requires time-consuming work. But I do think it is appropriate for a guest to bring SOMETHING. In the communities where people don't bring prepared food, they do usually bring a small gift, flowers or wine when invited out to a meal.Chanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17655144434904957767noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7081163247094703505.post-38122005843822577122011-05-31T00:30:50.870-04:002011-05-31T00:30:50.870-04:00I am a single guy who lives in the Heights and som...I am a single guy who lives in the Heights and sometimes hosts shabbos meals. In my circles, it is common practice for people to bring stuff for shabbos meals, to the point where it is almost expected. Hosting a shabbos meal still does mean non-trivial effort, but meals are more pot-luck style than hosted by a single person.<br /><br />Ultimately, it comes down to minhag hamakom, and common sense. If you feel, based on your understanding of those two elements, that the offer is genuine, then definitely say yes. The person will probably feel more comfortable at your meal, knowing that he contributed to the meal himself.Michael Kopinskyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16239953045100689630noreply@blogger.com