Monday, April 19, 2010

I'm Done...

...with wanting/having a male roommate, that is. Gotcha, didn't I?

Anyway, this is basically a rant, so please read it at your own peril.

Bad4's recent post struck a bit of a chord with me, though I imagine she doesn't have this problem because she is lucky enough to live at home (which can be annoying for other reasons), unlike my out-of-towner reality.

I've written about the trials and tribulations of roommates, as well as the lessons to be learned from the experience of sharing such close quarters with someone not related to you in a previous post. However, I think I've reached my limit of knowledge (and tolerance) when it comes to permanently living alongside another member of my own gender (which doesn't exclude temporary living conditions, such as the upcoming Shavuos Torah Tours).

Why, might you ask, my dear readers? I think it's primarily due to all the issues I've mentioned in the past, be it snoring or otherwise, as well as a more recent increase in lack of concern for my well being. Granted, I'm not looking for attention or a nurse to take care of me, but when your roommate stays confined to the room for two days in PJs due to a severe stomache ache/virus, barely subsisting on gingerale and saltines, OR when he arrives back from a weekend away with his hand/arm all wrapped up in gauze due to an unexpected wild animal encounter (true story) and he fails to notice and/or wish a refuah shelayma (unlike everyone else around the dorms/on campus), I think something's amiss.

I do think that guys, on the whole, are less attentive and caring than girls are - to a degree. This may also be related to having been spoiled by amazing roommates I've had earlier in my YU career. At this point, however, I think all the really great guys are taken, by equally great roommates, by their beloved wives, or have graduated and moved on to other pastures (meeting/getting to know younger guys and choosing one of them as a roommate is difficult and practically impossible at any rate).

Maybe I've grown tired of immature guy roommates whose only interaction with me (when they're not ignoring me completely and not acknowledging my presence in the room) is to vent their complaints about life/school, never ceasing to be critical of every little thing and even tempering positive comments with a negative conclusion "but it's really, eh" or "it could be better" rather than having legitimate conversation. Even mundane conversation! I miss talking to roommates who enjoy life and have things to say that are worthwhile.

I think I really need that certain someone who actually cares how my day went, and who I in turn will listen to and discuss their own day's activities, because I intrinsically care about them.

I've had roommates like that before - really great roommates, and guess what, they're all married!

Oddly enough, it sounds like my plight is quite similar to that of all the currently-dating girls out there - good guys seem to be in short supply.

At any rate, may we all find our proper, opposite gender roommate soon enough!


  1. "Oddly enough, it sounds like my plight is quite similar to that of all the currently-dating girls out there - good guys seem to be in short supply." it's not just us? Good guys are hard to find? :)

    I don't think girls are more sensitive then guys, it's a personality thing and really depends on the individual. I can relate to this post, having been in situations where it seems that I am always the one asking, "How was your day?" and listening intently, but the sentiment was never reciprocated. Part of that is maturity- children are selfish and we learn how to be more giving and aware of the world around us as we grow up.

    I once heard someone say that Hashem sends us the people who are in our lives because He knows which areas we need to work on. Those people know to push our buttons and challenge us in the areas we need it the most.

  2. Aww man shades...I feel your pain. That stinks.
    Honestly, I think you're just too mature for many of these guys. Perhaps don't file for potluck next semester -- maybe plan with some friends to be roomies? Just an idea.

  3. SternGrad - good point, and one that I had forgotten in being overwhelmed with frustration - thanks for reminding me :) I certainly need to meditate a bit in that area, though I hope I can survive until the end of the semester to put the ideas born from that to good use...

    Sefardi Gal - I've always coordinated roommates with friends, until this year. My roommate last year unexpectedly left YU (and is now engaged, which is besides the point), thus forcing me to find someone I know to avoid potlucking it. I wonder if I would have been better off with a freshback from Israel (which is the sort I was trying to avoid for different reasons) than finding out guys I thought were good guys to not be so great after all...

    As for next acadmedic year - who knows what that may bring?

  4. Shades, yes, take an Israeli! I know YU guys...I can recommend. ;)

  5. I sympathize. I hated dorming and roommates in general- I elected to board during my tenure in NY specifically so I wouldn't have to deal with that. It got frustrating for me- no matter how wonderful my roommate was.
    Hatzlacha- and AMEN to your beracha.

  6. Home ain't perfect either, but if I kvetch the parents just say they want me to want to get married. Maybe your roommates are concerned about you getting too comfortable dorming.

  7. Sefardi Gal - I was referring guys who just came back from their year(s) in yeshiva in Israel, rather than their nationality. Most "freshbacks," of either gender, need some time to cool off and normalize a bit from their head in the clouds idealism before they are fully functional in America.

    nmf #7 - I've actually had great roommates until this year. So maybe as SternGrad suggested, HaShem is trying to tell me something after these earlier, enjoyable experiences.

    badforshidduchim - I definitely know how imperfect living at home can be (from instances such as my recent 2 week Pesach break). But I'd certainly accept the occasional verbal tussle with my parents in exchange for having a nice, quiet room to sleep in by myself instead of dealing with roommates who often make me feel as though I'd rather sleep in the hallway.


Comments are welcome, and greatly encouraged! I certainly want to foster open discussion, so if you have something to say about anything I've written, don't hesitate! I also greatly enjoy comments/critiques of my stories. But please, no spam.