New Maccabeats Video! D'ror Yikra - Cups.

Finally, a new Maccabeats video featuring the Shabbos song D'ror Yikra to the tune from "Cups."

 

Craigslist Shabbat Dinner Invite = Soulmate Dinner Date?

I'm a bit flabbergasted that 7 single Jewish guys even thought of doing this, but I have to say it's a brilliant idea and one that, with tweaking, could be a fun, new way for singles to meet people.

The title of the Huffington Post article is: Seven Single Jewish Males Looking To Host Seven Single Females For Shabbat Dinner: D.C. Craigslist Ad Garners International Response.

Basically, the 7 guys posted on Craigslist that they want to put together a Friday night meal for 14, and invited any interested single women to contact that for the opportunity to be one of their guests. Surprisingly, they got a TON of responses, and were able to successfully confirm a select 7 eligible women will join them for dinner this Friday night.

While one of the men in the story, using the alias David Ben-Gurion, stated that they aren't necessarily looking at this dinner event "as a means to get married." But, he later goes on to mention that there will be future such Friday night Shabbat dinners for the women who replied to their ad but were not selected, then remarks, "Though if all goes as planned, it may only be six of us next time." Seems like marriage is definitely on their minds, even if not completely in an overt fashion.

Using such an approach to meet women is very interesting - and would take some serious intestinal fortitude on the part of the guys and girls involved. This is a far step beyond even the annual YU Connect singles Shabbatonim or other such meet and greet events. 

Would any of the single female readers out there be interested in such a unique invitation - assuming everything checked out once communication between the parties began and the gentlemen in question are indeed gentlemen without any cause for concern for the women's safety? 

Maybe this sort of thing should be looked into as a potential YU/Stern related dating event?

Jewish Music Fridays: Because Every Needs A Pick Me Up

No Jewish music review here, since nothing new or worthwhile has come to my attention recently.

However, I just wanted to share this special niggun by R' Shlomo Carlebach, called "The Happiness Niggun" with everyone. It's perfect for getting pumped up about Shabbos.

Have a great Shabbos!

Jewish Music Fridays: Except Saturday

Welcome back to Jewish Music Fridays! Kick back, relax, and enjoy the music.

This week, we're featuring a Jewish rock group from Brooklyn called Except Saturday. I first discovered these guys my first year at YU, when they won the Battle of the Bands and went on to open the annual Chanukah Concert. They had a really great sound, and a tremendously powerful vocalist, Erez Cohen, whose range and energy was very much unlike any I'd seen/heard in other Jewish bands. I really enjoyed their Shabbos-focused songs, and was particularly enthralled with "Lecha Dodi," "Mizmor Shir," and "Show Me the Way."

I had hoped for them to release an album, and they had some personal recordings of a few of their songs available on Myspace. However, their professional recording debut didn't materialize. Erez became ill with a debilitating physical ailment that knocked him out for some time, forcing the band to a halt while he could recover. Read the full story on that saga here.

To my delight, the band reappeared somewhat suddenly last year on Facebook, with news that their album was finally coming together. When I actually purchased it off of Amazon, listening to the tracks felt like an old friend reappearing after a long absence. The songs I was familiar with from their live performances were all there, and sounded much better and more developed, and the songs I had not yet had the pleasure of hearing, such as "Yedid Nefesh" as well as the title track from their much anticipated album "To New Beginnings" were great, too.

Incidentally, "To New Beginnings" includes the words "Shades of Grey," though I doubt it's even an indirect reference to this humble blog ;) You can also download this track from their website.

Check out a few of their songs below, and be sure to buy their album!

"Lecha Dodi"


"Yedid Nefesh"


"To New Beginnings"


"Everyone's Alone"


"Mizmor Shir" live (not the best quality, I know, but I had to post it since it's one of my favorite songs of theirs).

I hope this "New Beginning" is the start of a long, and fruitful career!

Things I've Learned Since I Got Married #5 - Look, Ma! I Can Fix Things

I’ve always been somewhat handy at fixing things that have stopped working (mostly electronics), but not really in the man-around-the-house plumbing, carpenter sort of fashion, which was always Dad’s job. I think this is a role that men tend to start wading into if/when they live on their own in an apartment or dorm, but only fully embrace the part once they are the Mr. Fix-It following the their wedding.

While our apartment here in Washington Heights is quite nice, nothing is ever perfect and various things have broken down or given us some trouble from time to time. No longer do I have my father’s expertise in handling these sorts of situations, and instead have learned to rely on my own ingenuity, strength, and manual dexterity to come up with solutions. I’ll give a one example here and save a few others that have cropped up in the short time ASoG and I have been sharing our abode for another post.

One fine Friday evening, a brief span of time after I left for shul, ASoG was busy going about her last minute Shabbos preparations when she heard a strange pop. Suddenly, the lights in half the apartment went out – including the Shabbos light in the bedroom, the bathroom fixture, and all the lights in our living room, leaving just the kitchen light and hotplate running.

ASoG had already lit her candles frantically tried to figure out what she could do, which included trying to go find the super, go get me, or contact our Rav here to figure something out. In the end, she realized that not much could be done, given the circumstances, and joined me at davening. After Ma'ariv, she explained the situation to me in order to prepare me for our darkened apartment.

When we returned home, we ended up sharing a romantic candle-lit Shabbos dinner together, which was rather nice. Shabbos day wasn't a big deal, and we made it through Shalosh Seudos, but come Motzei Shabbos we had to deal with the fact that we had barely any functioning lights or working electrical outlets for things like our cell phone chargers.

After havdallah, I called our super and asked him if he could drop by and help us. Unfortunately, he replied, he was away in Brooklyn and wouldn’t be back until Sunday afternoon. He did mention that it sounded like we blew a fuse and suggested I go ahead see if one needed replacing. Sure enough, one of the little circular tube things in the panel on our wall was blackened.

Thankfully, the previous residents of our apartment kept a few odds and ends in what has now become our “junk drawer,” which included a brand new replacement circuit. Having been saved from a trip to the almost certainly closed hardware store, I carefully removed the dead circuit and screwed in the replacement, and our lights came back on. Having never performed this task before, I was excited at my success.

ASoG had been quite worried that I’d electrocute myself, but thankfully I approached the task with caution and am still here to tell the tale.

Stay tuned for more stories of stuff once broken, now fixed and my MacGuyver-like handyman skills.

A Shabbos Of Many Firsts

This past Shabbos was one of many firsts. It was my first Shabbos spent on the YU campus since the school year ended, as well as my first Shabbos spent on campus any summer since I started my academic career at YU. It’s really kind of lonely with so many people gone, leaving a number of married couples that live here and a handful of June zman guys who decided to rough it out and not go home (although there was a KBY Shabbaton this week, which probably encouraged some guys to stay).

Without caf meals to rely upon, I had to figure out what I was going to do for food. A friend of mine living on the other side of the Heights really came through and helped me find a night meal after I successfully received an invite for lunch. Both meals were enjoyable, but of totally opposite character.

The Friday night meal was on the other side of the Heights, and was my first singles-only Shabbos meal. I also davened at Mount Sinai shul, a supposed hotbed of singles activity, for the first time ever. Sure, I had been there once or twice before to attend concerts (notably, Shlomo Katz concerts), but I’ve never had a reason, nor desire to daven there before. I found that the stereotypes are largely true. Throughout davening, there were young men and women congregating in the empty social hall, located right next to the sanctuary (the men have to walk through it to get to their seats) as well as in the adjacent hallway schmoozing it up with one another, and that was just the beginning…

The davening itself was a bit lackluster. The chazzan (I doubt he’s necessarily to blame) started off Lechu Neranena in the Carlebach style, but then didn’t sing much else until Lecha Dodi. He used a few Carlebach endings, oddly enough, while singing mostly by himself. On the whole, I was very underwhelmed by the overall lack of congregational interest in singing/davening together. I must commend them for singing Vayechulu together though, which I don’t see so often. It’s kind of funny, because you’re supposed to say it together with other people, to the point where if you daven Shemonah Esrei too long and miss the congregation’s recitation, that you should grab someone else and have him say it with you. Yet, in most shuls when the chazzan gets to Vayechulu, everyone just starts off belting it out or mumbling it on their own, almost like a race.

It is also true that the men and women basically face one another, with two sections for each along the northern and southern walls, women behind the men with a mechitza made of interlocking metal bars that are somewhat easily seen through. I kept my hat pulled low over my eyes when sitting in my seat, or did my best to direct my gaze strictly forward when standing and facing east. I was basically successful in my attempt to avoid visual distractions during davening, though I imagine many find such an arrangement entertaining or interesting.

Anyway, after Adon Olam, the real ‘fun’ began. I had seen my friend earlier, but quickly lost sight of him as soon as the crowd started flowing into the large, open social hall for the prerequisite post-davening socializing/get-together. A few hundred (I’m bad at guesstimation) young men and women were milling about in small groups chit-chatting with one another. Truth be told, I really couldn’t handle the “scene,” I was definitely overwhelmed by the immensity of it all. I saw old classmates from YU, guys who went to Israel with me, a few married guys I knew, a girl or two I went out with – though I observed most of them from afar, only choosing to actually catch up with a few of the guys I knew. I’m not entirely against social interaction with girls, and if people are utilizing the opportunity to really meet members of the opposite gender, more power to them. It just wasn’t my thing.

I must mention that this started at around 9:40 PM and was going quite strong by the time my friend and I left with our hostess well after 10 PM. I don’t know about all those other young guys and gals, but I was hungry by that point. I guess the desire for social interaction trumps food sometimes (though they often go together).

We proceeded to head over to our hostess’ apartment where I sat down to my first singles’ meal, about twelve men and women in total, split evenly give or take.

Surprisingly, or should I say thankfully, the whole meal wasn’t awkward at all. It was quite fascinating to watch the male-female dynamics of the conversation. The hostess and her apartment-mates did most of the cooking, and guests brought things like the wine, challah, and the dessert (I had offered to bring something, but it was all taken care of by the time I was invited). We reminisced about 90’s TV shows, did an ice breaker or two, and generally talked about all sorts of random stuff.

I also had my first glimpse into this ‘other world’ of singles, which I had never experienced before. While I’m sure that sort of life works for some/many frum singles out there, it’s not something I ever want to be a part of. The whole existence affects the people there, and I could see it in both the guys and girls I ate Shabbos dinner with. I don’t necessarily think it’s a pgam per se, since for many, living in such a community is a necessity for finding a spouse (or so many claim), but it definitely changes a person. I’ve gone out with girls who live over there, and each time the shidduch was very short lived, for reasons I might understand better now.

I think there is a marked difference between the YU side and the Mount Sinai side of the Heights. The YU side, understandably, exists in an atmosphere that is permeated by the yeshiva. The main beis medrish is the center of the community (especially in its new location), and included with that edifice are the many great roshei yeshiva we have. It’s vastly different from having a shul with just one rabbi (as great as Rabbi Schwartz, a YU musmach, is). I honestly feel a greater sense of community around YU than I did at Mount Sinai. Even though you might have singles on both sides (though more women there than here), everything on the Mount Sinai side seemed so disconnected, akin to the social butterflies flitting back and forth during the “scene” following Ma’ariv. Whereas at YU, even those not married still orbit around the yeshiva, with a firm tether that keeps them grounded in a Torah reality. I don’t mean to belittle the men and women at Mount Sinai at all, but their primary focus seemed to be each other and not the davening/shul.

Now that I’ve probably offended any single readers who live over there (and feel free to express your opinions/rants in comment form), I’ll talk about my other “first” experience, which was my lunch meal.

Bad For Shidduchim, Frum' N Flipping, A Blob of Something Different, and other bloggers (mostly of the female variety, to the best of my recollection) have all written posts about their friends moving on, getting married, and already having kids, thus making them feel all the more left out. While I have had a large number of friends who have already gotten married, and a few here and there who have begun having children, I never really encountered the phenomenon in person - until now. For the most part, as many have already observed and discussed to death, married people tend to form their own little social circles, to the exclusion of their still-single friends. I can now report firsthand that being around such friends can be a bit alienating.

It had been a while since the last time I shared a Shabbos meal with this particular friend and his wife, but that was back when they were newlyweds. Now, around a year and a half later, they have a cute baby daughter. The other guests included another married couple, along with their own baby son, and another friend, whose wife is expecting. Conversation centered around the babies on hand, general tips and tricks for raising children, including feeding and nap habits, as well as fun topics such as morning sickness. As the only single person at the meal, I was left utterly without a word to contribute to the discussion half of the time. Despite the fact that I was sitting right there at the same table, eating the same delicious food, it almost seemed like I wasn’t in the room. I can’t blame any of them for unintentionally excluding me, and in the end I did learn some things from simply sitting quietly and listening to all the back-and-forth dialogue.

I was also a slightly overwhelmed by the enormity of what it means to be married, take care of a home, and have/raise kids. I don’t think that many people honestly take these things into consideration so much while dating. As much as I believe I’ve basically reached the limit to my functionality as a single man, I have quite a lot to learn about being a husband and father. True, most of that education is collected from “on-the-job” experience, but I know I could prepare myself more. I have been reading dating books for a long time now (since Shana Bet, in fact), and now the thought occurred to me that maybe I should move onto reading marriage and child-raising books… As I once heard in a shiur, the time to read and absorb dating/marriage books is NOT when you’re already engaged, because it’s too late at that point to effect any major change in any traits you might be lacking. Hence, the right time to head to the bookstore is during the time you’re single or even before you really start dating. I now think the same goes for marriage and child rearing. Though I imagine those books aren’t quite as exciting as ones about dating/how to find your bashert. I may just switch to the marriage books and hold off and the child-rearing titles for now.

Both meal experiences were like glimpses into potential futures. One, wherein I have graduated YU unmarried and still need to find my wife, the other, a bit further along in time, after I’ve gotten married and started my family. While the whole married with kids thing is a definite aspect of my future (please G-d), I’m really not too keen on being one of those social singles hanging out on the other side of the Heights. It really felt like a way station for people who have become “stuck” in life, unable to transition from singlehood to marriage, for whatever reason. I think I can better empathize with those who are unfortunately enduring that existence (some of whom have been there for many years).

One solution to this “crisis,” which I’ve mentioned before, is that people should set others up with those they’ve gone out with before. If your ex-shidduch was an all around decent person, and just didn’t match up with you, why not recommend him/her to a friend who you think would be more appropriate? If we all consciously networked together, I think we could avoid the haphazard socializing that I saw Friday night after shul.

May we all skip (or quickly move beyond) that frustrated, still-single stage in life!

I’ll end with a quote I once heard from Rabbi Orlian, one of the sganei mashgiach here at YU, when he asked me if I was busy and I replied in the affirmative:

“If it’s the right one, may it be quick. If not, may it be quicker!”

Window Blinds: My Mortal Enemy

Confession time: I cannot, nor have I ever been able to, properly lower Venetian/pleated blinds on windows. EVER. I've had so many people try to teach me; my parents, other family members, roommates - all with no success.

It's so easy to have the blinds go up - just pull on the little string and away they go - bunching up at the top of the window pane.

But say you want to lower them to block the sunlight, or to prevent people from seeing in your room (for example, you need to change clothing) - how the heck are you supposed to know which of the three strings to pull/gently tug/whatever!? I'm a pretty scientific kind of guy - so I always end up experimenting to see which one will actually do the trick... but at best I am only able to make one side drop lower, and at worse I raise the blinds ever so slightly higher.

It is utterly embarrassing to have to ask my roommate to do this seemingly simple task for me - as I had done numerous times at YU. It eventually gets to the point where I feel bad for him and end up leaving them down rather than continuing to pester him. I almost feel like I'm asking someone to tie my shoes for me, since it appears to be such a simple thing to do...

Case in point - this past Shabbos, which I spent with some distant relatives. The accursed pleated blinds were not only in the guest room where I slept, they were also present in the connected bathroom. Now that's awkward.

Note to all architects/room designers who might be reading this - don't ever, ever, put a window at such a vantage point where people from the street level can see straight into a bathroom. I think this is simply common sense, but maybe not... It would be far more functional (and modest) to place such windows at about shoulder level and above (using a person of average height, maybe 5' 7" or so). With this arrangement, blessed sunlight can enter the room, but any voyeur (intentional or unintentional) will be prevented from visual trespassing.

Thankfully, I figured out how to remain out of sight, or so I hope. My hosts didn't receive any complaints from their neighbors - at least that I am aware of. That would have made for some interesting introductions at shul...

I really hope my future wife (whomever she will be) knows the secret to these blasted window blinds. If not, we're both in trouble... unless we don't have any in our future domicile.

I'm the the middle of writing a longer post, so stay tuned. I figured I'd share something a bit humorous with the readers...

Gut Voch / Shavua Tov!

Hats on, hats off

Slight update from yesterday: after speaking with a Rabbi/Doctor teacher of mine, the family medical history issue, while warranting further explanation, should not be a deal breaker of any sort. It seems I was fairly on target with the way I handled the news and how I considered it after the fact. One point he and discussed was that everyone (literally) has some sort of health issue in their family, and in this case, knowing what it is ahead of time can actually be very beneficial. With proper care of one's health, screening, and general alertness, the worst can be avoided. Additionally, it's much better to know what to expect rather than be caught off guard by a surprise that may only manifest itself at a later stage of development, when prognosis is much worse. So thank you, Rabbi/Doctor teacher!

Back on topic: Black hats. I figure I haven't been living up to the fullest intent of this blog by not commenting on a grey area in hashkafa recently, so I owed y'all one.

Hats have become a "thing" in more yeshivish/right wing circles. The wearing of fedoras (I am not going to discuss the furry headwares of the Chassidim) has become almost a uniform of sorts; an open declaration of what hashkafa you espouse. At least when you attend a right-wing Charedi yeshiva, or live in certain cities/neighborhoods (such as a certain city in New Jersey).

But hats have even become pervasive in the more modern community (the in betweeners, I guess) who, although hashkafically may be within the YU-realm, lean to the right (as an aside, don't we lean to the left at the Seder on Pesach to avoid choking? Just kidding). Typically, hat wearers also feature a velvet kipa, but I've also seen suede kipot with hats, and even a few kipa sruga/Borcelino combinations (and by kipa sruga I mean the white variety, I would say the black sruga are basically equivalent to suede), which really leave me discombobulated. That sort of seems like a case of tartei d'sasrei or something... but then again pulling elements from the far left and far right and blending them together sounds like a nice recipe for reaching a balanced central position.

I happen to wear a hat on Shabbos and Yom Tov, at weddings and (lo aleinu) funerals when I am "on the job" as a member of the Chevra Kadisha (I feel another post brewing). I've gotten a bit of flack in the past about not being consistent about the hat wearing, since most typical yeshiva bochurim wear them all the time for davening, no matter what day of the week. I'm not sure why I made that initial decision... perhaps it was part of my developing grey ideology wherein I was a wannabe yeshiva bochur, but never quite felt to the level to wear white shirts on weekdays (that's also a whole different discussion). I also wear the hat on chol hamoed, due to the yom-tov-ish status of those intermediate days, but only during Mincha/Ma'ariv and not Shacharis (and subsequently Mussaf) because I find the tefillin/black hat juggling act to be a pain in the neck - literally. The hat is so precariously balanced on the very back on the cranium, and you basically have to lean your neck inward while keeping your head up to keep it from falling. The end result? A visit to the chiropractor.

I remember a very memorable night dvar Torah/mussar schmooze given by Rav Cohen, a Rosh Yeshiva at YU, last year during on of the Friday night onegs. Rav Cohen himself is one of the more charedi Roshei Yeshiva at YU, and is known for his fiery, enthusiastic mussar - a real kick in the pants delivery (which I find we all need a bit of every now and then). I've always been a big fan of his, if one can say that about a Rosh Yeshiva, but he became an even bigger favorite after I heard this speech.

During the course of an enthusiastic talk about Shabbos observance, he randomly brought up the subject of guys who only wear hats on Shabbos, and the other yeshiva guys who make fun of them for specifically the point I mentioned - either wear it or don't, enough with the half-and-half business. Rav Cohen rebuked the critique-ers! He said that those who wear a hat on Shabbos and not during the week have it exactly right. Shabbos, he said, is a time that deserves our attention in various ways, which certainly includes upgrading our dress to reflect the increase in holiness inherent in the day. The yeshiva bochurim who wear white shirts, suits, and hat during the week have basically no recourse for "dressing up" for the Shabbos. A tie doesn't count, as insignificant a garment as it is, and certainly not in comparison to someone who dons a suit specifically for Shabbos.

Hats are the same thing. Someone who wears a hat only on Shabbos is doing so with the right kavana in mind, he's accentuating his attire for the sake of the holy Shabbos. Shabbos is important enough to him that he has a specific garment designated to enhance his appearance l'kavod Shabbos.

That certainly beat my old answer I'd use to give for wearing a hat - that I was an Indiana Jones fan... I do think I'm a bit old fashioned, taking into account the fedora and double-breasted suit, which I've been told is entirely out of style many times over. Add that to my trench coat, and I look like something out of the 40's, which would fit the Dr. Jones timeline quite nicely.

Anyway, I find Rav Cohen's perspective most agreeable. While I am not in any way endorsing the need to wear hats, and consider it more of a personal/fashion choice, I like the idea of the fedora having more meaning behind it than simply - "look, I'm part of the club too" because that makes them seem like those Mousketeer hats. Everything in life should be done with intent, not mindlessly because it's the "in thing" to do. I guess that's the bottom line in this post.