Happiness Is An Avodah

I heard this idea presented in shul tonight.

We all want to be happy. Most people strive to achieve happiness, but stumble and struggle, and are even discouraged that they may ever be truly happy.

Image Source: http://www.deliveringhappiness.com/12-things-happy-people-do-differently/

Often enough, however, we tend to think that the source of our happiness comes from some external source. If only we had X, Y, or Z - then we'd really be happy. But, because we don't have those things right now, we aren't happy, and we believe that we can't be happy without them.

Rav Yaakov Weinberg Z'tl said that this is a harmful train of thought. By declaring that you can't be happy because you don't currently have X, Y, or Z - you are deciding for yourself not to be happy. Happiness shouldn't be dependent on something external to us. Rather, it is self-generated from within our own minds and souls.

Rav Weinberg elaborated on this theme, saying that this is one of the reasons why Sukkos, known as Zman Simchaseinu - the Time of our Happiness - follows Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, a rather somber and serious period of time. First, we recognize HaShem is our King, and then we plead for our lives from the Ultimate Judge - which doesn't leave a lot of room to focus on happiness.

However this process of going through the Yomim Nora'im is meant to help us recognize a thought pattern that we should ingrain into our daily lives. What brings us true happiness should be the realization that HaShem is indeed, our King, and we are His servants. By doing His requested acts of service, namely the Mitzvos, we will be productive and rewarded, and our internal happiness will stem from our spiritual connection and relationship with HaShem.

Happiness is part of our Avodah of HaShem. It takes hard work, like any Avodah, but we will be better off because of it.

~~~

While thinking about this idea, my mind started making other connections and expansions on the concept.

I know I myself have often focused on external things that I believed, once I attained them, would bring me happiness, but in reality, happiness needs to be self-generated. Whatever stage we are in life - single, dating, engaged, married, parents, grandparents - there is always bound to be something not quite perfect, something lacking in what we expected to have at this stage.

The most stereotypical example is someone engaged and soon-to-be married.

He or she often believes that as soon as they leave the chuppah for the yichud room, everything will be glorious, full of rainbows and sunshine. The truth of the matter is, marriage isn't a happily ever after - it's really hard and requires a lot of work. It can, and will be difficult at times - and couples will struggle with one issue or another.

Nevertheless, everyone still has some positive thing(s) in their life that they have been given as blessings from HaShem. Recognizing them, expressing gratitude for them, and enjoying them - will produce happiness.

If I recall correctly, Rabbi Dr. Akiva Tatz wrote in one of his books (I think The Thinking Jewish Teenager's Guide to Life) that happiness is never an end goal, a destination to be reached or a stage to achieve, rather it is the journey in life itself.

So no matter what troubles are thrown at you in this often crazy world we live in, there is still something we can all recognize and latch onto that will help us create that self-generated state of happiness.

Of all the things I've learned while married, I must say that this is one of the most important: having Simchas HaChaim. Without it, life can get quite dreary and dreadful.

So let us all strive to elevate our minds, bodies and souls with the simcha of the forthcoming chag of Sukkos, and by internalizing Rav Weinberg's ideas, let us choose to be happy, and hopefully we can carry that simcha with us throughout the rest of the year.

Rosh Hashana 5774 / 2014 Music Video Round Up

With Rosh Hashana a few days away, it's time for the annual Rosh Hashana music video round up!

Here's Six13 with their Rosh Hashana Jam.



Aish.com is back with another hip-hop dance-filled video, based off of Daft Punk, called "Get Clarity."

Is that Edon?

Shlomo Katz has a preview song called "Vayeda Kol Paul" from his upcoming album, to be released in October.

"Forgive Me," a humorous video by Jewish Comedian Yisrael Campbell.




My question is: Where are the Maccabeats? It seems like there are fewer videos this year... perhaps the Jewish music parody craze the Maccabeats began with "Candlelight" has come and gone?

The Yetzer Hara Wants You To Succeed!

I heard a fascinating idea tonight, presented in the name of Rabbi Berkowitz (I think from Ner Yisrael).

Why is it that we spend so much time during the month of Elul and in shul during Rosh Hashana focusing on the concept of HaShem being The King?

Part of this is because we tend to give some degree of authority to the Yetzer Hara in tempting us to do things that are against the will of HaShem. We recognize his power, and by doing so, we negate our own full personal acceptance of HaShem's Kingship.

What we don't realize is that the Yetzer Hara, being an agent of HaShem, truly wants us to succeed in serving HaShem - and not listening to wayward persuasions.

Any time we are presented with situation that challenges us, we often hear two distinct voices in our heads. For example, a man has decided to wake up early to go to shul and learn before minyan starts. When his alarm goes off, one voice encourages him to jump up and successfully carry out his plan, thus increasing his time for Torah study. However, another voice (the Yetzer Hara) says that he should hit the snooze button, especially since if he sleeps a bit more, he'll be more rested and can even have more concentration when he davens.

The challenge here is to overcome the seemingly beneficial advice the Yetzer Hara is giving us - and that's his true goal.

Just as a coach for a particular sport will challenge his players to overcome new difficulties and reach new heights in performance at every practice, so too the Yetzer Hara sets new and ever more difficult challenges before us as we grow.

On a surface level, the coach may look like he's just making life miserable for his players, but in reality we can understand that he is encouraging them to surpass the hurdles he has created, and by doing so, they will become better athletes.

So too with the Yetzer Hara. By confronting us, ESPECIALLY in our areas of weakness where we need the most reinforcement, the Yetzer Hara is doing his job to get us to recognize where we need improvement and to surmount the difficulties we encounter.

By focusing on this idea, we can put the Yetzer Hara in his place and no longer have our misplaced belief in him detract from our faith in HaShem's Kingship. Then we will truly be able to crown HaShem as our King without any reservations and with a fully heart.

From Adam To David

This Dvar Torah started formulating in my head a short while ago as I started getting ready for Shabbos, and I had to share it.

Here we are, fresh off of Teshuva Season 2012/5773. We made it through Elul with its selichos, crowned HaShem King on Rosh Hashana, endured the fast and fully repented on Yom Kippur, behaved as best as we could to ensure our inscription in the Book of Good Life was delivered on Hoshana Rabba, then celebrated with HaShem and His Torah over Shemini Atzeres and Simchas Torah.

Now what?

Chazal, in their wisdom, developed our Torah reading practice to end on Simchas Torah (or Shemini Atzeres for those in the Holy Land), and right away we begin with the introductory portion of Bereishis, the very first Parsha of the Chumash.

While there is much substance to the notion of showing our collective love and dedication to G-d's Torah so soon after our Days of Awe, I think that there is a more nuanced, deeper lesson to be derived as well.

One of the most infamous incidents of the entire Tanach takes place in this week's Parsha. Shortly after being informed that they can eat of any tree in the Garden of Eden except for the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Bad, Chava and subsequently Adam violate that commandment after some insidious plotting by the snake.

When confronted with their transgression, Adam, then Chava play the blame game. He points to her, she points to the snake, and everyone receives their particular punishment.

So soon after our annual Teshuva Season, we read of the very first humans and their example of how NOT to do Teshuva.

Instead of owning up to his own poor choice, Adam deflects responsibility entirely:

And the man said: 'The woman whom Thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.' (Bereishis 3:12)

Upon hearing this accusation, G-d turns to Chava for her response,

And the L-RD G-d said unto the woman: 'What is this thou hast done?' And the woman said: 'The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.' (3:13)

G-d doesn't even give the snake a chance to defend itself, and starts off right away doling out punishment, beginning with the snake and moving onto Chava and then Adam.

On a literary side point - note the nifty repetition and reversal of the order of subjects: Adam is told the commandment and tells it to Chava who then repeats it to the snake, the snake convinces Chava who convinces Adam, G-d goes to Adam who blames Chava who blames the snake, and then G-d distributes punishment starting at the snake, then to Chava and back to Adam.

What should have happened?

Adam should have fessed up for his bad decision, not shifted the blame to his wife and partner. Chava in turn should have admitted to her own wrongdoing at choosing to follow the admittedly negative intentions of the snake.

Where do we see a model of this sort of proper teshuva, where the sinner admits to his transgression right away without batting an eye or rationalizing his behavior?

David Hamelech.

Centuries later, in the story told in Shmuel Bet chapters 11 and 12, David notices Batsheva, wife of Uria HaChiti and desires her. They sleep together, David subsequently has Uria sent off to die on the front lines of battle via his general Yoav, and he marries Batsheva. HaShem is not happy with this turn of events, for David has committed a most egregious sin.

HaShem sends the prophet Natan to rebuke David via a parable of a rich man stealing a poor man's lone lamb, which stirs up feelings of justice, leading him to say the rich man in the story should be put to death for his sin. Natan turns to David and says that he is the rich man of the story and he has sinned by having Uria killed and marrying Batsheva. He goes on to describe the forthcoming, very public and very damaging punishment that David has earned for his secretive sin.

Without any hesitation, and without batting an eye, King David immediately replies two words (12:13): "Chatasi LaShem" - "I have sinned against G-d."

Now THAT is teshuva.

The effectiveness of King David's teshuva is immediate:

And Nathan said unto David: 'The L-RD also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die. (12:13)

King David does not escape all punishment, and the child he has conceived with Batsheva will become sick and die. While he fasts and prays for mercy on behalf of his son while the child is ill, immediately after he dies, King David gets up from his fasting, washes, dresses, goes to the House of HaShem and bows, returns to his own home and eats, thus resuming his role of King of Israel.

His servants are baffled at the sudden diametrical shift in behavior. But King David replies to their questions by stating:

And he said: 'While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept; for I said: Who knoweth whether the L-RD will not be gracious to me, that the child may live? But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.' (12:22-23).

Even after the tragic fulfillment of the punishment decreed by G-d, King David remains steadfast in his Teshuva. He knows there is the possibility that HaShem may show mercy, and still he accepts the judgement that has been passed on him because of his actions. He goes on to comfort his wife, Batsheva, and they later conceive Shlomo - his eventual successor to the throne.

We are human, and we will make mistakes and choose wrongly on occasion - just as we see with the very first humans beings created. It's part of our imperfect nature. HaShem knew this before we even existed, hence the Gemara in Pesachim 54A where Chazal tell us that Teshuva was one of the few things HaShem found important enough to create before our physical universe came into being.

Perhaps this connection further supports the Midrash in Yalkut Shimoni (Bereshis 41) that discusses how Adam was originally supposed to live for 1000 years, while King David was only supposed to live for 3 hours. Adam was told this information, and willingly "donated" 70 years of his life to David.

I don't know when this exchange took place, but based on what we've seen above, I would venture to say that it takes place after Adam ate from the Tree of Knowledge and received his punishment. It could very well be that Adam's motivation in doing so was also prophetically motivated - just as he knew David was supposed to live for such a short time, he saw David's potential and how he could become a role model for Teshuva in a way that Adam himself could and did not.

Let us take to heart the model of Teshuva as embodied by David HaMelech and not fall to playing the blame game as Adam and Chava did. In doing so, we can maintain the momentum of the growth and inspiration that we achieved during Teshuva Season 5773 - and even when we take a misstep here and there, we can bounce back with full repentance and further develop our devotion and connection to G-d.

Maccabeats Rosh Hashana Greetings

While not quite a full-fledged music video, the Maccabeats just released a video greeting card, wishing everyone a Shana Tova.

I think it's cute. The new official logo is rather spiffy, I must say.

I am also encouraged by the forthcoming great projects that are "in the works" for 5773, as stated in the description of the video. Sounds very exciting.

I look forward to their next video, whenever or for whichever holiday it may occur.

Rosh Hashana 5773 Music Videos

Here we go! Another Rosh Hashana, another season of music videos!

From the Technion Institute in Israel - one of the most original, creative and fun videos I've ever seen.

From Aish.com we've got "What Makes Rosh Hashana  Beautiful" based on a song by One Direction.

UPDATE 9-12-12: The Maccabeats have released a cute Rosh Hashana greeting card video, featuring members of the group whistling the well-known Yomim Noraim niggun as they prepare for the Yom Tov!

UPDATE 9-13-12 - Also not a music video, but a great performance of "Chadesh Yameinu" by Shlomo Katz along with Rabbi Lazer Brody.

UPDATE 9-19-12: From Rabbi David Sirull of Augusta, Georgia, we have "Because It's Rosh Hashanah! A Musical Greeting"

Disclaimer: The following videos feature women singing.

The Ein Prat Fountainheads are back with a new video for Sukkos called "Livin' in a Booth" based on Bruno Mars "Marry You."

UPDATE 9-12-12: Apparently, the Fountainheads have released a 2nd version of their video, "Livin' in a Booth." The music is the same, but there are different video segments/the video is cut differently. The 1st version is no longer accessible by searching on Youtube - but can be reached via a link, which I happen to have in the paragraph above ;)

The Jewish Agency in France has a video based on Carly Rae Jepson's "Call Me Maybe" entitled "Call Me Maybe - Chana Tova." I'm not sure what the lyrics mean since I don't know French. Also, apparently "ch" is used instead of "sh" in French.

While not a music video, WonderingJew presents a humorous video called "Yetzer Hara"

In terms of meaning and uplifting impact - I still think nothing can top "Book of Good Life" released by the Maccabeats this time last year...

If anyone has found any other music videos for Rosh Hashana, please post them in the comments and I'll update this post.

Thank G-d For All I Missed...?

While a lot of modern secular music today is utter trash - full of nivul peh, discussions about physical relationships, women's bodies, lustful desires and other inappropriate topics not worth singing about, there are still a few gems out there.

For some reason, on the days I've gotten tired of listening to the few Jewish Music CDs I have in my car (my older model vehicle doesn't have a multi-disc CD changer), I've been gravitating toward the local country station. Yes, go ahead and laugh if you'd like, but there are some very moving and inspirational songs to be found there. At the very least, there are definitely more worthwhile songs there than on the popular "90's, 2K, and today" stations.

I stumbled upon a song called "This" by Darius Rucker, once known many years ago for his band Hootie and the Blowfish (and their classic song "I Only Wanna Be With You").

In short, it's about a man reflecting on where life has taken him - or not taken him - along with his recognition and gratitude to G-d for arranging things the way they've happened. Despite the many setbacks and disappointments he's experienced, from the seemingly minor red traffic lights or the more major heartbreaks suffered from relationships that didn't work out - he's thankful for what he has and appreciates his life as it is.

I don't really know how I got here

But I'm sure glad that I did

And it's crazy to think that one little thing

Could've changed all of it

How often do we take a step back to think about the process that led us to where we are now? I know I did this a lot when I was in yeshiva in Israel, and I began to see how many of the little, often complicated pieces of my life all came together to allow me to spend time learning in the holiest place on earth. 

Of course, life being as busy as it always is, I fell out of that mindset after I got back to America and YU. Not only did I not think about the positive things or circumstances that brought me to where I was, my mind veered the other way entirely, and began to focus on the negative happenings that upset or disrupt my life. I am embarrassed to say that after some time, I seemed to focus on a string of negative experiences that appeared linked together - for the purpose of dragging me down.

Maybe it didn't turn out like I planned

Maybe that's why I'm such, such a lucky man

Despite all that, there is so much to be thankful for - no matter how rough or frustrating life may become. Man's plans can go totally awry, but nevertheless, it will work out in the end, if we give it time and proper consideration.

We can apply these thoughts to any area in life, but they are especially suited to dating, marriage and personal relationships. Often, when we get frustrated with how this are of our lives is going, we become resentful, wondering why we have to go through so much for seemingly so little gain - or what appears to be no gain at all. Yet, we don't know what will happen a year from now, six months from now, a week from now or even tomorrow. Things can and do turn around in ways that we don't expect because we aren't privy to the whole picture.

I didn't understand it way back when
But sitting here right now it all makes perfect sense

It may not make "perfect" sense, since nothing in our human realm is ever really perfect, especially our understanding of how life works, but it will make some worthwhile sense.

One day, hopefully sooner than later, the process of dating, meeting people, forming connections, making phone call after phone call, dressing up and going out again and again will come to an end.

For those of us who are already married, I can speak from personal experience that marriage is definitely a beginning rather than an ending, with its own trials and tribulations,  its highs and lows, the full spectrum of emotions. Figuring all that out, discovering more about your new life partner as well as learning more about yourself and how you work - which you would NEVER have thought through as a single person, can be maddening.

All the fights and tears and the heartache
I thought I'd never go through
And the moment I almost gave up
All lead me here to you

Yet, if we all take a step back and try to see the bigger picture we can be appreciative of what we have and how we got here. The journey may be rough at times, but we're still here, right? For every opportunity you've had but lost, felt like you failed, or reached a hopeless dead end, think more deeply and wonder where you were able to go on from there, precisely because of this roadblock that frustrated you at the time.

Don't think about what could have been had you succeeded there, because there is no use crying over spilled milk. What did you do in that situation? How did you move on and to where? More importantly, where are you now? How did that event affect you, positively or negatively and lead you to where you are and who you have become? Did you use those "missed" opportunities for what they really were - a chance for growth, or did you stew in misery? Even if you didn't learn something then, what can you learn from it to apply to life in the here and now?

All the doors I had to close
All the things I knew but I didn't know
Thank G-d for all I missed
Because it led me here to this

This mindset is particularly appropriate for the month of Elul, when we should be focusing on the past year and the things we've done and experienced. If we can see our mistakes and other negative moments in life in a positive light, to draw strength and inspiration from them, we can use that to turn even our aveiros into mitzvos, regretting the negative but learning from our actions to propel us forward into a better, more informed future.

May we all appreciate all the things we've missed, tap into that source of inspiration for the good.

The King Awaits

Life's been a bit hectic since Rosh Hashana and I haven't had much time to blog, despite having received numerous ideas and bits of inspiration over the course of Yom Tov and Shabbos. I had to share an interesting notion that occurred to me as I examined the tefillos from Rosh Hashana (and afterward) related to HaShem's role as our King.

Many times in the past, different rabbeim/shiurim/divrei Torah have described the interrelated dual roles that HaShem has in relation to the Jewish People, which can be summed up as Avinu Malkeinu - Our Father, Our King.

HaShem's fatherly role is described as merciful, compassionate, forgiving, the aspect of Him in which we will find Rachamim and forgiveness for our mistakes and misdeeds.

His Kingly aspect is described as one of judgement - din, which is more strict, unyielding, the attribute by which we are held to a high standard and held accountable for our actions. He is the True King, the Holy King, The King of Judgement, among others appellations.

We even discuss the idea of HaShem moving from His throne of Din (Malkeinu) to the throne of Rachamim (Avinu) when we merit a nation-wide atonement on Yom Kippur. He is, as we say in the 2nd bracha before Shema in the morning, "Av Harachamim" - "the merciful Father" and we don't just stop there, but add "Who acts mercifully," emphasizing the aspect of mercy with HaShem our Father. (The title Av Harachamim is found elsewhere in other tefillos, too).

However, as I began to review the Rosh Hashana Davening, the insertions added during the 10 Days of Repentance, and the regular Shabbos/weekday davening, I began to notice that this strict dichotomy wasn't always true. Especially with regard to HaShem's Kingship, which is actually described in terms very different from a strict sense of retributive justice.

In the first insertion during Magen Avraham we describe HaShem as "the King who desires life." Requesting that the King write us in the book of life isn't counterintuitive - the King judges, and we can either merit to be in the book of life or the bo0k of death (chas v'shalom, lo aleinu). Yet, the King desires life!

In the second bracha of Shemonah Esrei, we describe HaShem as the King who causes death - which is a fact, since death originates as a decree from Him. Yet, He is also the King Who "restores life and makes salvation sprout," which seems (to me) to be of greater emphasis, and again an indication of our King's merciful tendencies.

In Ya'aleh V'yavo, we conclude be describing HaShem as "the gracious and compassionate King" - going so far to describe the Melech as "Rachum" - which we typically associate with our Father. There is clearly some underlying currents here that indicate a greater unity among HaShem's Fatherly and Kingly attributes. A similar wording is found in the bracha Haskiveinu after Shema at Ma'ariv and in one of the Tashlich prayers.

In the paragraph from the Yom Tov Mussaf, "Mipnei Chata'einiu," we again refer to HaShem as "Melech Rachaman" - the Merciful King.

In Selach Lanu we ask our Father to forgive our errors, and our King to pardon our willful sins.

We find in Refa'einu that our King is "the faithful and compassionate Healer."

Lastly, we find in Shalom Rav that HaShem is the King, "Master of all peace." Not the King who judges and creates strife with harsh sentences, but One who creates peace for all of Israel.

I'm sure there are others I've missed. This is not meant to be a comprehensive list, but rather me shining a spotlight on an idea I had not heard of until I stumbled upon it myself.

If anyone has any more references or knows Talmudic/rabbinical sources that further discuss this fascinating notion (or at least fascinating to me) please share it in the comments.

So as we approach Yom Kippur and ask forgiveness of our Father, Our King, let us all have in mind the mercy and compassion that is utterly characteristic of HaShem, and pray that we all receive proper atonement (through proper teshuva) and merit being seal in the Book of Good Life.

To anyone I may have offended this past year with anything I wrote, I am sorry. I am especially sorry for my sometimes harsh responses/temper, in particular The Professor and Burnt Dreadlocks, for which I humbly apologize for my lack of emotional control in responding to their comments.

I hope that 5772 can be a year free of divisiveness and ill-feelings. Let us all use blogs and everything else we do in our lives, to sow harmony and unity amongst Klal Yisrael. May this year be the year - Tihiye Shana Ad Bichlal - the year that features the inclusion of the conclusion of the galus (no more galus!) and the arrival of Moshiach Tzidkeinu, Bimheira Biyameinu.

Amein, Kein Yehi Ratzon!

Teshuva Season 5771 Thoughts

Every year since the inception of this blog, I have endeavored to relate some of my thoughts during the teshuva season (check them out here: 5770, 5769) hoping to gather together my mental ponderings in some coherent fashion from which I can draw inspiration and share with others as well.

While previous years have been somewhat similar, though nuanced in their own ways, this year in particular is very different. This is the first time I've approached Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur as a married man. No longer am I the single guy in yeshiva/college struggling on my own to maintain and improve my spirituality. I am no longer alone, and am not the only person that my actions affect. I can no longer do what what I want without thinking of repercussions that extend beyond my own personal space. Almost akin to being pregnant, everything I did and do has some effect on my wife, ASoG, whether I want it to or not, regardless of what my intentions were.

I was trying find some way to express this eloquently, and it turns out I was lucky enough to discover something Rav Avigdor Nebenzahl wrote in his "Thoughts for the Month of Elul" that very concisely captures the sentiments I wanted to convey in writing:

I once heard from my illustrious teacher and Rav, Hagaon Chaim Shmuelevitz, zt"l, that the subject of interpersonal relationships may be compared to fire. One who hurts his friend is like a person who thrusts his hand into fire. His intentions are irrelevant; he is burnt whether he wanted to extinguish the fire or intensify it. (180)

With all due respect to Rav Nebenzahl, I understood what Rav Shmuelevitz wrote in a fashion differently than he goes on to elaborate.

When we are single, though we are obligated in mitzvos, both interpersonal and between ourselves and G-d, ultimately the nexus of our world is limited to who we are and how things affect us. True, we have friends and parents, teachers and rabbeim, but when we are going through the al chait's on Yom Kippur, we are ultimately thinking about all the sinful things we did for and to ourselves. My choice to transgress a particular aveira drags me down in my development and avodas HaShem. I made a mistake, I stumbled, and now I must pick myself up, brush off my dirtied clothing, and do my best to continue onward in a way that will make me a better, more observant and spiritually in-tuned person.

However, once you stand under the chupah, your actions and their consequences are no longer intrinsically limited to what they do to you and how they alter your mind and soul. Everything you do, by yourself, or especially in interactions with your spouse, have a profound affect on him/her and your relationship.

If I, as a single guy, decide to sleep late and miss davening Shacharis with a minyan, my guilt is limited to my poor choice and the improper start to my morning. If I skip Shacharis as a married man, I have not only taken away merit from my spouse, disappointed her expectations of a religiously observant husband, and by lowering myself because of my selfish decision to indulge my physical being with a few more minutes of shut-eye - I've downgraded our overall spirituality as well.

Further, as Rav Shmuelevitz said via Rav Nebenzahl - my intentions for my actions don't really matter as much as they used to. I can be the judge of my own actions when I am not directly affecting anyone else, I know I did my best, I wanted to do good, and I can feel content that I may have tried my best or given a decent effort, or excused my performance in a particular area of life. But when I am interacting with the one other person who now shares my entire existence, these sort of lame self-excuses don't cut it.

I may have said or done something in the usual way that I always did in the past, which never seemed offensive or harmful to me, or that my friends never took offense from - but my spouse may very well have perceived things quite differently. That one comment that you think is jokey might actually be a great insult in her eyes. The way I conducted myself in a particular area may have seemed quite normal and appropriate to me, but she saw it as rude and insensitive. I can offend and hurt without any intention to do so whatsoever, and it does me no good to try and explain things afterwards, rationalizing that what I did was not meant to hurt, because that does very little to remove the pain I've caused by my lack of understanding.

What needs to be done in a marriage, and more broadly in every relationship, is to do our very best to be aware at all times of how things we do and say are perceived. Perception truly is everything, and as justified as a particular action might be in my own eyes, if my wife thinks it was a horrible thing to do, and that it seemed like I was expressing something negative and harmful to her - I am at fault for my lack of vision and consideration. Even little things, which we can consider generally unimportant, can have impact beyond our understanding.

I do not mean to say that we all have to be absolutely perfect at every single moment, since such a thing is impossible. Certainly, one's spouse should also do his/her best to have patience and consider what might have been the intent behind an action or statement that seemed offensive and damaging. We all make mistakes, and we all must be dan lekaf zechus in the best way that we can - especially with our wives and husbands. Nevertheless, because of the sensitive nature of this relationship, which is closer and more intense than any other, both from a spiritual and physical standpoint, we must be on our toes and on our best behavior at every moment that we can be.

Yes, we are sometimes exhausted by our day, or can legitimately be upset with our spouse, and in those moments we require some reciprocal consideration from him/her, but we should also be cognizant of what we are doing and how we are being perceived. Being able to recognize what is happening and how our tone, demeanor or actions are seen, and putting forth the conscious effort to be able to say, "Hi honey. I know it looks like I'm upset and frustrated - it's because I am. I just want you to know that while I am dealing with these emotions that I say or do something that seems intentional out to get you, please recognize that it's merely me working through my feelings and I never want to hurt you in any way."

Again, this doesn't excuse every thing we might do intentionally or unintentionally that hurts our spouse, but it certainly sets the stage for him/her to give us some space and to be considerate that what we do and say was not really meant as an attack.

Marriage is a huge undertaking and a tremendous life-changing process. No one is truly ready to be married from the chupah and everyone makes mistakes. ASoG and I have had our share of disagreements and conflicts, but we have exerted a great amount of effort to understand one another, discuss where each of us may have gone wrong, and how we can learn from these moments to make ourselves better and more dedicated to serving the other as our #1 priority in life.

I don't think I've ever approached a Yom Kippur with as much trepidation as I will this year. Any transgressions I've committed against ASoG are not only bein adam l'chaveiro, but also (as reflected in the Kesuba and numerous quotes from Chazal) bein adam l'Makom. I may have many things to answer for from my own shortcomings and short-sightedness, but I have also grown and benefited from this ongoing and developing relationship.

My love for ASoG has transcended anything I ever considered to be love before we got married. Things are now far more real, meaningful and significant than the naive, giddiness of dating and being engaged. Life can be hard sometimes, but the essential thing is to focus on supporting and being supported by your spouse. We've had some rough spots here and there, which every married couple does, but we've persevered, grown stronger and more connected because of our struggles.

May we all focus on achieving a greater sensitivity toward our spouses and everyone else in our lives this year. May everyone who is already married be able to achieve true Shalom Bayis through hard and successful work together. May everyone who is not yet zoche to experience these rewarding challenges soon find their zivug and start their own journeys through life together. And may we all achieve levels of personal Shalom Bayis that will bring the ultimate Shalom Bayis for all of klal Yisrael, with the arrival of Moshiach Tzidkeinu, bimheira biyameinu.

A Plan For The New Year That Works

I wrote this for my shul's Shabbos/Yom Tov Divrei Torah booklet and figured it was worth sharing with the readers. Please feel free to use it at your table this week during Yom Tov.

We find ourselves at the beginning of the Days of Awe, The Ten Days of Repentance, and the start of a new year, Rosh Hashana. It is a time of reflection, of meditation on events and actions from the last twelve months. We all remember going through the same process last year, and we experienced similar struggles, perhaps even the same ones that have troubled our spirituality in years past. Often, we think of grandiose strategies that become more than we can realistically handle, and as a result we find ourselves disappointed that we have not succeeded in improving our character traits, our actions, and our interactions with others. Here we are again, crowning HaShem as our King and looking toward a new year and new possibilities for change and improvement. We must now think: What can we do to make things better for ourselves and those around us in a fashion that will bring us success and growth instead of stagnation and frustration?
As Jews, we turn to the truest and best resource available to us, the Torah itself. The Torah teaches us a very important lesson in Parshas Nitzavim, which we read last Shabbos, that we can use and incorporate into our own lives to provide us with the means to ascend in spirituality and observance. On the last day of his life, amidst many other significant words of rebuke and encouragement, Moshe tells the Jewish People,

For this mitzvah which I command you this day, it is not hidden from you, nor is it far off. It is not in heaven that you should say, ‘Who shall go up for us to heaven, and bring it to us, that we may hear it and do it?’ Nor is it beyond the sea, that you should say, ‘Who shall go over the sea for us, and bring it to us, that we may hear it and do it.’ For the matter is very near to you, in your mouth and in your heart to do it. (Devarim 30:11-14).

The Babylonian Talmud (Eruvin 55a) tells us that this passage refers to Torah study itself, informing us that the opportunity to learn Torah is not beyond us, but readily accessible – near and dear – to our hearts. Ramban, in his commentary on these verses, writes that the Torah is actually telling us that teshuva – repentance – is always close at hand, and we can always return from our erroneous ways to better serve HaShem.

I’d like to offer a different interpretation, thereby adding another level of meaning and significance to these famous words imparted by Moshe as explained by the Talmud and Ramban.

The literal reading of the verse refers to an unnamed mitzvah, which Moshe tells us is not too esoteric, distant, or spiritually lofty that we should feel as though we cannot have any sense of achievement in fulfilling it. The reason why Moshe did not specify what mitzvah he was referring to was because he was speaking to each and every Jew individually. We all know that there are certain mitzvos that we think – erroneously – are too hard for us, require too much effort, that seem to be reserved for other people who are more religiously observant or “frum” than we consider ourselves to be. And that, Moshe is informing us, is a mistake.

As imperfect, mortal humans, we have a tendency to self-deprecate far too much. We look at a particular mitzvah and say to ourselves, “Oh, I wish I could do that mitzvah, but I can’t because of X, Y or Z.” We think that if only we were more religious, or we had a better Jewish education growing up, or a myriad of other excuses that our minds can think of to justify our “inability” to fulfill G-d’s commandments. Moshe Rabbeinu is telling us that all these thoughts are entirely misguided. The mitzvos are all within reach, they are not across the ocean in Israel or anywhere else. The mitzvos can be performed by anyone, even people like ourselves with whatever background might be, not just for those we consider to be more religious than ourselves. The Torah is telling us that the reason why we don’t accomplish more in our mitzvah observance is because we put limitations on ourselves – we self-impose limits and barriers that prevent us from becoming more spiritually connected to G-d and His Torah and mitzvos. No one is twisting our arm, no one is telling us we aren’t good enough or smart enough – we do that to ourselves!

Now that Rosh Hashana is upon us once again, it behooves us to look within and figure out one mitzvah – just one mitzvah – that we have continually placed beyond our own reach. Once we find that one mitzvah, we should contemplate what we can do, what little changes need to be made in our lives, that will allow us to add this one extra mitzvah performance to our repertoire. We all know of people who may have said that a certain mitzvah, perhaps going to shul every day, keeping kosher or Shabbos, was beyond them. But, when circumstances changed and the opportunity presented itself, they seized the moment and were able to succeed, perhaps slowly but surely. Why should we view their success from afar, putting ourselves behind facades of excuses? If we put our minds to it, we can also increase our religious observance and improve our spirituality and connection to G-d. It is not beyond the sea or high above in heaven; that mitzvah is right here in front of us, ready and waiting to come into our lives.

However, one may say, “There are so many mitzvos! How can I possibly take them all upon myself right now? It’s far too much for me to handle!” The answer to that is we don’t have to do everything right away. We can take baby steps, learning a little more and a little more, slowing building our knowledge and observance. As Rabbi Avigdor Nebenzahl, the former Chief Rabbi of the Old City of Jerusalem and senior Rosh Yeshiva at Yeshivat Netiv Aryeh said,

“A person is not expected to immediately reach the top rung of the ladder… He is, however, required to improve himself slightly. For example, he can have that much more kavannah [concentration] in his davening [prayers]. Even in the way he honors his parents, he is not expected to immediately reach the highest level that the Torah demands, but he should at least talk nicely to his parents for the first ten minutes after he comes home. Perhaps the next day it will not be too difficult for him to increase the number of minutes.” (Tit’haru! P.101)

It is in this fashion, one of slight improvements, one day at a time, one mitzvah at a time, that we can realistically raise ourselves up into higher levels of mitzvah observance and service of HaShem. So let us forget New Year’s resolutions that we know are too much to take on right now, and focus on that one mitzvah that we struggle with, and figure out how we can incorporate it into our lives. Once we’ve mastered that mitzvah, let’s move on to another, and another. Slowly but surely, we can and will ascend in spirituality, and our lives will be that much richer and enjoyable because of our efforts.

May we all take this notion to heart and start off with that one mitzvah to take with us into the New Year, and as a result, may we all merit to be written and sealed in the Book of Life.

New Maccabeats Video For Rosh Hashana / Yom Kippur - "Book of Good Life"

And here it is folks!

I think it's FANTASTIC.

The Maccabeats definitely get better with each video - I like this one more than "The Purim Song," and feel as though it's as good as (if not a bit better) than "Candlelight." The new video is quite catchy, but "Candlelight" might be a bit easier to sing - I've got to get more used to "Book of Good Life."

Aside from the quality of the song itself, the usual masterful production values from Uri Westrich, and all the cute inside jokes such as the reappearance of the space suit in Noey's closet, Uri's cameo, and the "Greeks" in shul - The Maccabeats have finally included women in their video (and lots of them) which is a great, positive answer to the undeserved critiques leveled at them when "The Purim Song" was released earlier in the year.

Of course, now that the new video is out, the next question must be: when will the 2nd album be released, guys? ;)

Shofar Callin': A Rosh Hashana Song

I seem to have totally missed this video last year. The artist behind the music, Prodezra, is a good friend of mine.

In other news, The Maccabeats filmed their new Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur video last week at a shul in Riverdale, and their facebook page says the video will hopefully be released at the end of next week.

UPDATE (9/22) - It's HERE!!!!

Lastly, there seems to be a new member of the Maccabeats as seen in a picture on their Facebook page from a recent performance in Seattle. Perhaps it's time to update the Maccabeats availability graphic? ;)

Wearing A Kittel For Rosh Hashana? Not This Year!

My Rav recently spoke about the minhag of wearing a kittel on Rosh Hashana during his dvar Torah/halacha in between mincha and ma'ariv. He mentioned an aspect of the minhag which I was familiar with but did not the reason behind it.

In short, there exists a custom to wear white on Rosh Hashana to symbolize:

1) Purity, like the posuk in Yeshaya 1:18, part of which reads "though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool." Though we know we have been sinful and transgressed HaShem's mitzvos, we are confident that He will purify us from our misdeeds, whitening our neshamos as it were.

2) Burial shrouds, which are also white and very similar to a kittel (for those who have not attended a tahara, I can vouch for the resemblance). The purpose of dressing in a garment that resembles the one that is placed on a corpse for burial is to keep us mindful of the awesome holiness and seriousness of the day - and help us ponder where we might be in the the near future if we are not judged with life for the coming year, lo aleinu.

Women wear white clothing. Some men will wear a white tie or yarmulka, but the prevalent custom for men is to wear a kittel as their white garment.

However, a chosson in his first year of marriage - that's me - does not wear the kittel on Rosh Hashana. I had heard this before, but not the reason my Rav presented: the Torah tells us in last week's parsha of Ki Seitzei that a newlywed man has a special mitzvah to gladden his wife during their first year of marriage, which is why he does not go to the army (Devarim 24:5). Instead, he stays home to be mesameach her.

This is the very reason why the chosson doesn't wear the kittel during shana rishona - because their resemblance to burial shrouds might make his wife start worrying about him too much, and he is under special command to make her happy, not cause her grief!

Sufficed to say, my kittel will be staying right in my closet until Pesach.

And So It Begins... Rosh Hashana Music Videos

Update 9/22 - New Maccabeats video! "Book of Good Life" is HERE!

Oh, Maccabeats, as much as I love your music, what have you brought upon us? ;)

From Aish, the Rosh Hashana Rock Anthem (is this really "rock" though?):


And from The Maccabeats' fiercest competition, The Fountainheads, there is "Dip Your Apple" (caveat: contains women singing and dancing).

I guess the big question is, with all the other Jewish music videos/parodies out there now, very obviously inspired by the Maccabeats, when will they make another video - and for which holiday?

Update: 3:05 PM - I turns out the Maccabeats are indeed coming out with a Rosh Hashana/Yom Kippur video soon. Thanks to reader "leo" for the tip. I guess that's what I get for writing this post on Sunday and not checking Facebook yesterday...

Also, it turns out that the dancers in the Aish video are NOT Aish students at all. They are an Israeli dance crew called Lions of Zion. The link features a video of the dance crew performing elsewhere, and I'm not too surprised their female dancer isn't in the Aish video ;)

It seemed too good to be true, though I wouldn't have doubted the possibility that some ba'alei teshuva at Aish would have amazing dancing skills. When I saw the guys flipping with their yarmulka's falling off, after which they made no eff0rt to recover them, I thought something might be up... This revelation does take the cool factor of the video down a notch in my view, but it's still quite fun.

Update 3:47 PM - Rabbi Michael Tzadok commented on Bad For Shidduchim that some of the guys ARE Aish students... I can tell some of them definitely aren't from the previously cited link, but the guy in the glasses looks like he could be a yeshiva bochur.

Pomegranate Seeds

Just a thought that occurred to me during our Rosh Hashana dinner and simanim eat-a-thon.

Of course, we had sections of pomegranates as part of our ensemble (it also doubled as our shehechiyanu, since it is newly in season*) of simanim that were festively displayed on a platter at our dinner table.

After frustratingly working through the levels of outer shell and inner peels to get to the ruby-red seeds, someone mentioned that the work needed to access the edible part simply wasn't worth it.

While this person had every right to express their annoyance with the process of extracting the pomegranate's seeds, I think they inadvertently taught me a very important lesson.

They were absolutely right that it takes an extra amount of effort peeling and plucking to finally get a chance to enjoy the tart sweetness of the pomegranate's fruit. But that's precisely the point!

Why do we have a pomegranate as one of the simanim on Rosh Hashana? As the yehi ratzon says: "May it be the will before You HaShem our G-d and G-d of our forefathers that we may have as many merits as a pomegranate."

Midrashically, a pomegranate is said to have 613 seeds, corresponding to the 613 mitzvos given to us in the Torah. While that might not be biologically true, I think the idea we learn from working hard to get to the delicious innards teaches us that earning zechuyos and doing mitzvos is not always the easiest thing - but in the end, it is worth the effort we put into our actions.

As I was disassembling my own pomegranate, I noticed that there was one section of seeds that had gone bad. They which were brownish, deflated, and generally yucky. It would seem to me that this is also representative of how we perform mitzvos. Namely, that not every mitzvah we fulfill was really done with the most optimum intent and personal commitment.

While it is true that I may, for example, put on tefillin and daven shacharis with a minyan every day, I certainly don't get up each morning and wrap the straps around my arm with the same enthusiam and vigor as I really should. The mitzvah, like any mitzvah, is a beautiful gem that I can add to my collection of zechuyos. If I just do the mitzvah for the sake of doing it and my heart isn't behind it, I don't lose out on getting some sort of "credit," but the zechus I earn is not quite as lovely as it could have been - hence the kinda gross, misshapen seeds.

May we all take this lesson of the pomegranate's seeds to heart during these aseres yemai teshuvah and do our best to fill our zechuyos storehouse with gleaming, beautiful mitzvos. (Teshuvah in particular is certainly worthwhile, since it will turn those gross seeds into nice ones, if done b'ahava). In doing so, may we all merit to have a year full of bracha v'hatzlacha in all areas of our lives (especially shidduchim) and be inscribed for lives that are kulo tov.

Gmar Chasima Tova!

P.S. Though I cannot think of any specific incident wherein anything I may have written offended anyone (which I haven't already apologized for), please know that my intent is never to post anything harmful on this blog. If I did somehow offend you, I regretfully apologize and ask for your forgiveness.

*As Rav Simon explained in his most recent RIETS Contemporary Halacha Shiur (unfortunately not on YUTorah.org), the notion of getting a "new fruit" to serve as the shehechiyanu on the second night of Rosh Hashana is commonly mistaken to apply to a fruit that the ingester hasn't eaten in a year. In actuality, it refers to a fruit that is newly available because it has just come into season. It seems that this is a very common mistaken notion - I actually had no clue about this until that shiur.

Teshuva Season 5770 Thoughts

First off, for those who haven't read my teshuva season thoughts from last year, please check them out here. It was one of my earliest posts, long before this blog received any sort of following or prominent linkage (thanks Bad4), so I don't think many of the current readers have seen it.

Motzei Shabbos was my fifth first-night selichos at YU. Each year I receive an enormous amount of inspiration by the ruach-filled atmosphere in the beis medrish as President Joel leads us into the phase of Elul where the focus on teshuva kicks into high gear. Honestly, it's a scary time in my mind, since things begin to seem really serious. True, we've already had several weeks of L'Dovid HaShem Ori twice a day and shofar blowings after shacharis, but the overwhelming feeling of awe as the yomim noraim approach doesn't hit me until selichos start.

I think this teshuva-season I've been more distracted than usual, not really paying attention to the fact that I have a lot to answer for as well as a boatload of things to work on - things I should have put effort into this past year, things I slacked off where I should have, and new challenges that arose and confronted me with tests I'd never experienced and thus had little hope of passing. How many times have I failed to resist temptation, in things both big and small, when I could have - and should have - been stronger, putting the yetzer hara in his place as I know, deep down, with the strength I honestly know I possessed.

The primary source of my distraction - and this is far from an excuse, because what good are excuses before the Master of the Universe - has been the ongoing wedding preparations and general craziness of engagement. Aside from keeping my mind focused on other things instead of performing serious self reflection and cheshbon hanefesh, I have faced new tests wherein I know I've stumbled here or there, particularly in the realm of relating to, and showing proper sensitivity toward Another Shade of Grey (ASoG). Sure, I could just chalk it up to the whole "I'm a guy, you're a girl, and we just don't quite understand each other yet" notion, but I would like to think I'm a bit better than that. As I said, excuses don't really mean much at all.

Thankfully, she is a very forgiving person, and I tend to apologize profusely upon realizing I've made an error of some sort. There is a lot of adjusting yet to be done, more awaits us as the wedding approaches, and certainly even further nuanced points of compromising, etc will come up during our married life together. So no matter how gentlemanly a guy may be (a goal I aspire to), when it comes to male/female dynamics within a relationship, everyone has some growing room before things really come together.

I wish I could say I had the same enthusiastic, though appropriately humble, confidence I expressed in the aforementioned early post when I began this blog last year, but instead I'm just a bit worried. I have spent far too much time engrossed in my own concerns without giving HaShem due attention, which is definitely not a good thing in my mind. Granted, some of the distractions with regard to getting ready for the wedding have been entirely necessary and are proper preparation for the mitzvah of getting married. However, I have begun to think that I may have taken advantage of the "oh boy, I'm getting hitched" mindset to dodge other responsibilities that would normally have been at the forefront of my thoughts.

Anyway, here I am, a year after starting a hashkafa-based blog that transformed into a shidduch-based blog, soon-to-be-married and shouldering a boatload of responsibility the likes of which I have never dreamed of. I've been reading/learning the sefer "Yom Hachupa L'Chatan" in preparation for the wedding. The sefer ephasizes the significance of the wedding day and how it is akin to, and in many ways, surpasses the signficance of Yom Kippur. Whereas the average Joe (or Jo-anne) gets one Yom Kippur a year, the wedding day comes once a lifetime (hopefully). Not only that, it has the ability to wipe one's slate entirely clean!

I guess it's kind of nifty that I get to go through two Yom Kippur's in a somewhat short time span, especially since the annual Yom Kippur precedes my own person Yom Kippur, which will hopefully prepare me well for the boat-load of teshuva I need to do for this past year as well as the last 20-odd years of my life (and yes I know responsibility doesn't kick in until 13 and heavenly punishment until 20).

I have one friend who got married shortly before Rosh Hashana several years ago. I thought he was lucky since that meant he'd be going into Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur with a sparkling white neshama from kapara he received on his wedding day - what could be better! He replied in turn that while my idea had some merit, he had plenty of time over Sheva Brachos and Yom Tov to potentially make more mistakes and rack up enough aveiros to need teshuva all over again.

But, there is still time. As Rav Goldvicht emphasized in his pre-selichos drasha, the word "Hayom" as found in Tanach is darshened by Chazal to refer to Rosh Hashana. The overring point that he emphasized regarding the meaning of "Hayom" is that the power of teshuva has the ability to create a person anew - today. In performing a heartfelt teshuva shelayma, all the mistakes, sins, transgressions, both intentional and unintentional, from the past are completely wiped away - as though they never existed.

One particular example that he cited was the commentary of the Sfas Emes on the incident where Sara laughed at the angel's proclamation that she and Avraham would have a child within the year. HaShem confronts her and asks why she laughed - to which she replies that she didn't laugh. How could our fore-mother Sara dare to say that to HaShem's "face" when it was quite clear that she did, in fact, laugh just a few moments prior? The Sfas Emes explains that upon realizing that she had erred in expressing the laughter, she immediately did teshuva, regretting her outburst. Since teshuva, if done properly (and certainly she did teshuva whole heartedly) can totally erase the negativities of the past, her response that she had never laughed was actually true, from a certain point of view.

May we all merit to engage in proper introspection, find what we need to correct, and implement the necessary changes to improve ourselves and our actions for this coming year. May we all draw closer to our King and Creator, Who will hopefully recognize our sincere efforts to bend our will to more accurately represent what He desires of us in this world - and in doing so, may all our heartfelt requests for the coming year, for good health, happiness, success, sustained spiritual growth in Torah and Mitvos, and of course finding the proper zivug (or maintaining Shalom Bayis, as the case may be J) be speedily written and sealed for all of Klal Yisrael.

My gym teacher gives the best mussar schmooze...

I actually had another idea for an inaugural post, but this will do nicely.

I was initially concerned about the "waste of time" that so many other guys seem worried about when I signed up for my first (and only - thank you reduced requirements) gym here at YU. As boring as it was probably going to be, I still hoped to at least physically benefit from the "Wellness and Fitness" course. It turns out that this particular gym is actually quite spiritually invigorating as well.

The instructor, a man originally from South Carolina, who later moved to Harlem in his early teens (or slightly before, I forget) is a perfect example of what I would call a righteous gentile. Most guys who attend YU come from somewhat sheltered Jewish backgrounds (*cough* Five Towns *cough*) and really have had no contact with, or developed relationships with people who aren't Jewish. Having relatives who live in the South that I grew up visiting regularly, I can say that things are a little bit different below the Mason-Dixon in smaller cities where Jews are in the clear minority in terms of population. Given that statistic, you often have the opportunity growing up to actually get to know someone who isn't Jewish and appreciate them for who they are as a person, instead of simply labelling them as "off limits" because of their religious beliefs. At any rate, I personally know several individuals in my own hometown who I would characterize as righteous gentiles, and now I have another to add to my little list.

Anyway, the fellow who instructs us how to do proper stretches, makes us run laps, do push ups and sit ups, and occasionally referees a pick-up basketball game is an amazing human being.

He regular gives us little pep-talks in the midst of discussing how our muscles work and what we should be doing to lower our total fat-to-muscle ratio, and often veers off onto topics of moral and ethical behavior. I wouldn't categorize him as a bible-thumper per say (since the term is often met with some derision), but he is a firm believer in the absolute truth of the biblical texts, and that G-d's will is the top priority in his life (second comes family, and third is his own self, but more on that in a minute). While his view is a little bit black and white, which leaves little leeway for morally ambiguous areas, his commitment to Truth and conviction that spirituality is just as important as being physically fit (if not more so) is very admirable.

For example, today he began his usual introduction, and quickly tangented into the best mussar schmooze I've heard this teshuva season. He spoke about his own life experience, growing up in South Carolina - and the impression that his parents and grandparents had on him. Both were married their whole lives, and demonstrated to him the significance of the covenant that marriage establishes. He remarked that the sacred bond of marriage is so sacrosanct in his eyes (since marriage is one of G-d's gifts to mankind) that it would be sacrilegious for him to even think about looking at another woman no matter how good she looks. The thought of cheating on his wife would never occur to him because he utterly rejects the horrid mindset that has pervaded society since the multiple social revolutions that occurred in the 60's (when he grew up). He even went on to discuss how terrible it is that nudity is being allowed on TV these days (even in its "least offensive" forms), decried the filthy pictures found in abundance on the Internet, and how men debase themselves by fooling around with multiple women instead of faithfully committing themselves to one woman.

The coach believes that the world has really gone down hill since the 60's, and the world has become far more anti-Semitic and racist than the times when he grew up with being called epithets and having to endure segregation and then integration. He prays for Israel just as diligently as he prays for the welfare of the United States, because he believes that Jerusalem is central to the meaning of history (past and present), that it belongs to the chosen people, and that we are in fact very significant in G-d's eyes.

Although he is a democrat, and never thought he'd live to see and African-American as President of the United States, he says that he will judge President Obama just the same as he judged former President Bush - entirely on his success or failure in his position and what he does for our country. He already has a slightly negative view based on the "bogus" claims that the recession is over - and noted that Obama will have to earn his vote in the next election. I find that mindset to be very honorable, since he divorces his own personal beliefs from the reality of the situation. (As a side note, I personally have nothing against having a person of non-white race as our President, I just wish we had a more qualified/experienced person filling the role, say Colin Powel - but time will prove Obama's worth, so I'll leave it at that).

As I mentioned before, he values the word of G-d as the absolute top priority in his life. Abiding by G-d's word gives a person happiness and success in this world, and appropriate reward in the next. He views people like King David and (ed: lehavdil) John the Baptist as people to look up to, since they risked their lives for G-d. He thinks David is an ultimate model of how people should be - when he became spiritually depressed he isolated himself in a cave (this is how coach said it) and wrote the Psalms to raise himself up - AND he danced with unparalleled joy before the Ark - all for the Glory of G-d. Additionally, as great as David was - the Bible clearly says he made some mistakes, but he repented for them fully - and that's a model we should all follow.

Second comes family - because you have to put others (especially those closest to you) before yourself. He particularly emphasized the significance of his wife's role in his life, and how his relationship with her had deepened over time - in addition to adding many dimensions to his spiritual relationship with G-d. Considering his own self was a distant third on the list of important elements in life, because you can't ignore your own value, but G-d and family come first. Taking care of your physical body, as well as nourishing your mind (he likes Shakespeare and reading in general) is very meaningful, because we are a physical representation of G-d on earth (hence the whole made in His image thing). People are basically walking spiritual conduits, and we all need to ensure that we sustain and maintain our physical selves for as long as we can - all the while reaping the spiritual benefits that life has to offer through study and devotion to G-d.

As coach continued talking, the guys who came late filed into the room, listened for a moment, then sat on the floor in a semi-circle absolutely mesmerized by the words they were hearing (I was standing, but I could have listened to him for another hour or two).

He concluded by saying that we all know we've done things this past semester (and last semester) that we regret and know were wrong - himself included. Everyone (again, himself included) has to properly turn to G-d and repent for these mistakes, and admit that we received absolutely no benefit from transgressing His will (interestingly enough, I read in an essay by HaRav Nebenzahl shlita, lehavdil, who said the exact same thing). The bottom line is that G-d's love for each of us allows us to return to Him with our full hearts, and He is waiting for the chance to forgive us.

After coach finished speaking, and we all stood dumbfounded by the amazing mussar we had all just experienced, a friend of mine turned to me and said that coach's mussar schmooze was better than his own rabbi's sermon from Rosh Hashana. While I mean no disrespect to my own Rabbi and his inspirational drasha, I couldn't agree more. I get the feeling that only at YU could I have encountered such an amazing person. I am SO happy to be taking this course, to improve my physical health, and get the best spiritual boosts I've had in this country since leaving Israel (with a few exceptions). G-d certainly works in wondrous ways...