Teshuva: Make One Small Change

I heard this idea presented tonight before Ma'ariv.

The speaker (one of the members of the local kollel) mentioned that his brother-in-law had an idea for a business. Since everyone knows that the air of Israel makes a person wise (Bava Basra 158B), he wanted to sell bottles of Israeli air to tourists. Whenever they needed a burst of smartness, such as the night before a test, they'd open the bottle and breathe in the inspirational air.

Of course, this wouldn't really work as a practical financial venture, but it does work with regard to doing teshuva.

The Ba'alei Mussar write that an effective way to do teshuva is to make one small, consistent change to one's life. The speaker quoted his rebbe in Israel as commenting that the best time to take this small change upon oneself is to do it during Ne'ilah, when you really feel the power and awe of HaShem's kingship and the overall spiritual rush of the conclusion of Yom Kippur. By doing this, you are effectively capturing that moment of spiritual elevation and inspiration in your own small bottle.

Every time you perform this small change - every day - it's as though you will be sampling some of the power you captured from that moment of acceptance during Ne'ilah. Each day, you will, to a small degree, re-experience that feeling of spiritual fortitude and inspiration. By doing this small thing every day, you create a link that strings together all the days of the coming year that leads back to that awe-inspiring moment of Ne'ilah.

And that is how you can create an effective change that will have a lasting impact - from this Ne'ilah to the next.

The Yetzer Hara Wants You To Succeed!

I heard a fascinating idea tonight, presented in the name of Rabbi Berkowitz (I think from Ner Yisrael).

Why is it that we spend so much time during the month of Elul and in shul during Rosh Hashana focusing on the concept of HaShem being The King?

Part of this is because we tend to give some degree of authority to the Yetzer Hara in tempting us to do things that are against the will of HaShem. We recognize his power, and by doing so, we negate our own full personal acceptance of HaShem's Kingship.

What we don't realize is that the Yetzer Hara, being an agent of HaShem, truly wants us to succeed in serving HaShem - and not listening to wayward persuasions.

Any time we are presented with situation that challenges us, we often hear two distinct voices in our heads. For example, a man has decided to wake up early to go to shul and learn before minyan starts. When his alarm goes off, one voice encourages him to jump up and successfully carry out his plan, thus increasing his time for Torah study. However, another voice (the Yetzer Hara) says that he should hit the snooze button, especially since if he sleeps a bit more, he'll be more rested and can even have more concentration when he davens.

The challenge here is to overcome the seemingly beneficial advice the Yetzer Hara is giving us - and that's his true goal.

Just as a coach for a particular sport will challenge his players to overcome new difficulties and reach new heights in performance at every practice, so too the Yetzer Hara sets new and ever more difficult challenges before us as we grow.

On a surface level, the coach may look like he's just making life miserable for his players, but in reality we can understand that he is encouraging them to surpass the hurdles he has created, and by doing so, they will become better athletes.

So too with the Yetzer Hara. By confronting us, ESPECIALLY in our areas of weakness where we need the most reinforcement, the Yetzer Hara is doing his job to get us to recognize where we need improvement and to surmount the difficulties we encounter.

By focusing on this idea, we can put the Yetzer Hara in his place and no longer have our misplaced belief in him detract from our faith in HaShem's Kingship. Then we will truly be able to crown HaShem as our King without any reservations and with a fully heart.

Requirements For Marriage: Simchas HaChaim

I've been musing about the nature of marriage and what it takes to be successful in this often-stressful, yet rewarding endeavor. We're told from the time we are children that marriage will lead to the fabled "happily ever after" among other fantastical things, but I don't think enough people out there paint a realistic picture of how difficult and challenging spending your life with someone of the opposite gender can be.

To that end, I want to discuss the attitudinal notion of Simchas HaChaim and what it can and should contribute to one's life, both singe and married.

Somewhat loosely translated, Simchas HaChaim means the "Happiness of Life," though I would modify that to "the happiness inherent in life itself."

On a philosophical level, I would explain it as something akin to Joie de Vivre. It's a perspective on life wherein a person finds joy in anything and everything, in simply living, and in the simple as well as the more grandiose things in life.

Marriage, and life as a whole, can be very difficult at times. There is conflict, misunderstanding, unclear communication, mistakes, offenses committed, along with frustration and the occasional feelings of anger.

And despite all this, there is always something to be happy about. Whether it's because the weather is pleasant outside, you've got a roof over your head and a comfortable bed to sleep in, there's plenty of food on your table and in your fridge, you can't figure out what outfit to wear from your collection of clothing, or you physically feel good without illness or aches and pains.

I think that Simchas HaChaim means to be able to find these sources of brightness that lift you up and bring some cheer to your mind and soul.

Therefore, even if you've just had a big argument with your spouse, something you were looking forward to didn't pan out, or life took an unexpected and disappointing downturn (sudden or otherwise) - you might be rattled, but on the whole you can overcome the present difficulty by putting it into its compartment in your mind, and continue living.

Sure, everyone gets overwhelmed at times, especially when so many things have gone "wrong" and we feel trapped or stuck with nowhere and no one to turn to. We all have those moments where things kind of break down and we're at our lowest emotionally and psychologically. However, I tend to think that in most normal lives this occurs only on the rare occasion and not with any regularity. If someone feels like this the majority of the time, then I would hope and pray that he/she gets the professional help he/she needs.

Being able to handle the ups and downs of life, being able to find something to smile about despite everything else, is one of the main keys to being successful both in life, and in marriage. Without this, a person can become disheartened and begin to doubt him/herself, marriage, and life itself. That's when you need your spouse to help lift you up and out of the darkness. The ability to do that has a lot to do with the dynamics of communication - which is another important key to success in marriage, but that's a topic for its own post.

I very strongly urge all the readers to explore your own sense of Simchas HaChaim, to understand how your individual emotional and mental attitudes and states of being function, and to find that inner sense of happiness with life.

Happiness is not a goal, but rather the enjoyment of the ride that life presents us, wherever we may go.

Cultivating a sense of how we can recognize and summon that sense of internally motivated happiness is extremely important, and will provide a wellspring of inner strength to endure and grow from the often bumpy road of life.

May we all achieve an understanding of our personal Simchas HaChaim, and may that lead us all to happy lives and happy marriages.

Two Tips To Prepare For Tisha B'Av

I heard these ideas from Rabbi Yechezkel Freundlich:

Rabbi Yaakov Emden (I think that's who he quoted) wrote about the idea of why this particular galus that we are currently enduring has lasted for so long - nearly 2000 years. While many have attributed this to our people continually being mired in the sins that caused the destruction of the Beis Hamikdash - namely Sinas Chinam, lack of proper respect, failing to say the brachos before we learn Torah - Rabbi Emden said that there is a different reason why we have caused the exile to endure for such a lengthy period of time.

We don't mourn properly for that which we have lost.

To a degree, this seems to be understandable, since none of us ever experienced the Beis Hamikdash when it existed, and therefore it is hard for us to find personal meaning in connecting to the mourning practices that we observe during the 3 Weeks and on Tisha B'Av itself.

Rabbi Freundlich offered two ideas that could be very helpful in making these forthcoming 3 weeks productive in preparing for Tisha B'av - if the Moshiach should not arrive before then (which I hope he does).

1) Often, most people don't open the Kinnos until the night of Tisha B'Av and thus have very little familiarity with it - on top of the fact that we all get exhausted several hours into the morning reading of Kinnos. Rabbi Freundlich suggested that everyone take 5 minutes a day during these 3 weeks to read a Kinnah, understanding the English available to us - and thus utilize these tools that our sages have given us over the centuries to connect to a proper sense of mourning and understanding of our loss.

2) Quite a few of our 19 brachos in Shemonah Esrei discuss our yearning for Hashem's salvation, the ultimate redemption, the arrival of the Moshiach, and the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash. It would behoove all of us to take a closer look at these brachos and give them a greater focused attention as we say them and think about their meaning.

In particular, he suggested the sentence from Es Tzemach Dovid - "Ki lishu'ashcha kivinu kol hayom" - "For Your salvation we hope all the day." Meditate on what it means to really desire HaShem's yeshua, and how we can actively hope and pray for the final redemption.

I think both of these ideas are very helpful in transforming these 3 weeks from a time of complaining for lack of shaving and music, to a time period of meaningful reflection wherein we properly utilize the time Chazal has emphasized is a time frame to focus on mourning what we have lost - and what we hope to have - G-d willing soon and in our lifetime - once again.

Current Trends Predicted In The Gemara?

After reading numerous stories of rabbinical figures, judges, or otherwise people known as community leaders failing to be truthful, judge truthfully, or deliberately concealing the truth, such as this recent post by Rabbi Maryles on Emes Ve-Emunah, I was shocked to learn several sections of Gemara in today's Daf Yomi (Shabbos 139) that seem to talk about the results of these actions we Jews have brought upon ourselves. The translation has been modified slightly per that found in the Koren Talmud Bavli.

It was taught. R. Jose b. Elisha said: If you see a generation overwhelmed by many troubles, go forth and examine the judges of Israel, for all retribution that comes to the world comes only on account of the Judges of Israel, as it is said, "Please hear this, heads of the house of Jacob, and officers of the house of Israel, that abhor justice, and pervert all equity. They build up Zion with blood and Jerusalem with iniquity. The heads thereof judge for reward, and the priests thereof teach for hire, and the prophets thereof divine for money; yet will they lean upon the Lord, etc."

Shortly after that, the Gemara continues:

And the Holy One, blessed be He, will not cause His Divine presence to rest upon Israel until the wicked judges and officers cease out of Israel, for it is said, "And I will turn My hand upon you, and thoroughly purge away your dross, and will take away all your tin. And I will restore your judges as at the first, and your counselors as at the beginning, etc."

Lastly, interspersed with Rabbi Steinzaltz' commentary (p.319) in bold italics.

R. Melai said in the name of R. Eleazar son of R. Simeon: What is meant by the verse, "The Lord has broken the staff of the wicked, the rod of the rulers?"  'The Lord hath broken the staff of the wicked' refers to the judges who become a staff for their attendants;  

The attendants abuse people, and the judges provide the attendants with legal backing and moral support.

'the rod of the rulers' refers to the Torah scholars in the families of the judges. 

These Torah scholars assist their relatives, the judges, conceal their faults.

Mar Zutra said: This refers to the scholars who teach the laws of the public to ignorant judges.

They teach ignorant judges just enough Torah and modes of conduct to prevent the people from realizing how ignorant they are, enabling them to maintain their positions.

I think these sections speak all too clearly about the frightening, increasingly prevalent problem of individuals and groups who are meant to be, or insist they are, halachic authorities and then abuse the power they have gathered or proclaimed upon themselves. 

We have many troubles, one of the most significant is child abuse, which seems to be quite a plague in communities where this sort of irresponsible judgments and abuse of communal power take place on a regular basis.

We have seen judge's attendants - the so-called askanim of gedolim cause inordinate amounts of trouble for people such as Rabbi Natan Slifkin, Lipa Schmeltzer, and others undeservedly, creating a huge public ruckus that helps no one in the end.

And we wonder why the Beis Hamikdash hasn't been rebuilt - the Gemara plainly says that HaShem won't rest His divine presence on us until these wicked judges and officers cease to exist among us.

I wonder if the thousands of others out there learning Daf Yomi took a moment to consider these passages with any serious thought and self introspection?

Judging Yourself While Dating

Looking Within

This post was born from some ruminations in my head about people going out with others who veer away from their personal standard of "normal," and how to come to terms with such differences/conflicts/complications.

Case in point - you've always been an omnivore, enjoying both meat and dairy (as well as vegetables) as part of your diet for 20-something years, and suddenly you find yourself on a date, or perhaps in an even a more serious relationship, with an individual who will not, per his/her beliefs, or cannot, per his/her biological constitution, eat the same foods you've always enjoyed at mealtime. Whether he/she does not eat meat at all, red meat, dairy or some other comestible you've come to define as a staple of your regular diet, you are now presented with a conflict of interests.

Does this person mean enough to me, given the rest of his/her personality, middos, dreams, desires, needs, etc, that I can handle this deviation from my norm?

Perhaps you've been one of the fortunate individuals who has always known what it means to have a loving home with two married parents, and the biological parents of this person sitting across the table from you haven't lived in the same home since your date was 5, or fought like cats and dogs until their bitter divorce a few years ago. This clearly has had some impact on your date, molded the way he/she has grown and developed, shaped his/her perspectives in ways you probably can't begin to comprehend.

Does this worry you, frighten you? Do you think about those statistics you read about regarding children from divorced parents being more likely to become divorced themselves?

These are simply two examples, among countless others, which can create mind-twisting dilemmas for daters.

The key to navigating these "deviations" from the norm - or rather, your norm - is to stop and turn inward. Your date's norm is clearly different from your own, and by the standard with which you were raised and have experienced life, they may be lacking or even seemingly "problematic" in some form, based on your own experience.

But that's not the way to determine if he/she can be a worthwhile spouse.

The key is to remain objective about your date, and his/her differences - assuming he/she is otherwise healthy, not plagued by harmful emotional imbalance or utterly unrealistic expectations that border on impossible and perhaps dangerous fantasy - and to judge yourself, not your date.

Hopefully, your date will be forthcoming, given the appropriate timing and length of the courtship, with all the ins and outs about him/her, including things that may not be viewed in such a positive light. Real marriage consideration requires knowing the whole picture, warts and all, and determining if YOU can live with this other reality as part of your own.

It is not for us to judge someone who comes from a broken home, automatically labeling him/her as damaged goods. They are what they are, and that is factual. Hopefully, he/she has learned to be resilient and grown from potentially negative experiences, rather than allow them to remain as destructive or caustic influences in his/her life - regardless if the issue or persons involved have become entirely resolved. One can live with a disruptive parental figure by placing the appropriate boundaries and developing healthy emotional reactions that maintain one's own sense of well-being, notwithstanding the parent's anger or personal imbalance. Such a person can also learn from positive parenting role models, and through self-introspection, develop a form of beneficial parenting that he/she would like to embody for his/her own future children, distinct from what was seen during his/her childhood and being actively cognizant not to fall to the trap of the modes of parenting he/she experienced.

What one needs to do as a dater is to look within. Given the reality of the person sitting across from me, can I acknowledge, accept, adapt and live with the challenges, difficulties, and "abnormalities" that are being presented to me, and will be a part of my future life should I choose to marry this person?

The decision regarding "can I handle this?" should not negatively impact on your view of your date. No one is perfect, and we are mandated to judge everyone favorably.

If you end up deciding your date is not appropriate for you, based on your self introspection, your choice shouldn't hinder your ability to suggest this person to others you may know - and allow them to evaluate the potential of their match with your former date without preconceived negative impressions that you may want to pass along.

Judging yourself, rather than your date is not an easy thing to do. But it's essential to figuring out the marriage potential of the relationship. You can't expect a person to change or willingly alter their habits and attitudes to match your own to prevent conflict. Take into consideration who they are and what they're about, and see how well it fits you and your ability to act in consonance with another person as a life partner.

Part 2 coming soon.

Marry Jewish: Our Future Is In Your Hands.

Today I read an op-ed piece on The Jewish Daily Forward by Jane Eisner titled "For 2013, A Marriage Agenda," thanks to a link on Hirhurim's news postings.

Eisner's piece is thoughtful, and thought provoking, especially for those of us who know, are friends with, or perhaps related to Jews who are not particularly observant and are rather free-spirited when it comes to who they date and who they would consider marrying.

As I mentioned at the end of my post The Shanda of "Chrismukkah," I believe that intermarriage is perhaps the worst thing an individual Jew can do nowadays, because he or she is actively choosing to betray his or her own people, friends, family, and parents.

Eisner cites the statistics of later marriage period, and thus fewer marriages and fewer births, which combine with a 1/3 to 1/2 of those unions being intermarriage, are set to decimate (and are decimating) the non-Orthodox Jewish population.

While some people in various circles of our Torah Observant populace might turn their nose up and announce that our less observant brethren are getting just what they deserve - and as soon as they're all gone the "frum" people will be the only ones left to define and embody Judaism - I say we have to stop this madness before so many unique, precious people are lost to the sands of time.

One particular paragraph in Eisner's piece struck me:

But this acceptance — some call it assimilation — comes at a price we are not willing to acknowledge, which I believe endangers the future of egalitarian, progressive American Judaism. And we don’t know what to do. Parents do not want to alienate their children with what may seem like outdated prejudices, while religious authorities, such as they are, are reluctant to judge for fear of rejection. We hope that those coming into our community will compensate for all who leave, but they won’t. We pour money into free 10-day trips to Israel with the not-so-hidden agenda of promoting inmarriage, and they do a little. But such “success” comes at a huge monetary cost, with the added risk of tying Jewishness only to Israel — hardly a winning argument in today’s political environment.

Without expressly admitting it, I think this indicates who the primary people at fault are: the parents.

For years, in personal communication with people in my hometown community and elsewhere, I've been decrying how much the parents have negated their responsibility for instilling a firm sense of Jewish identity in their children. This happens in Orthodox homes as well, Modern and not - and is the reason I strongly encourage high school graduates to find the program in Israel that best suits him or her so that they can forge their own Jewish identity of their choosing - one that will be strong enough to combat the pressures of college, wherever they attend, and guide them in a path of recognition and service of G-d that includes marrying a Jewish spouse.

Parents who still have young children need to open their eyes and realize what impact, or lack thereof, they are having on their kids with regard to establishing and creating their own Jewish identity. Children may not want to be exactly like their parents, hashkafically or otherwise, and that needs to be acceptable, rather than a source of discord that pushes their offspring further away and into such a lack of Jewish observance that they intermarry.

Parents who themselves have been fortunate enough to marry a Jewish spouse need to realize that what made them choose to do so will probably have little to no influence on their children. They don't have the grandparents or parents who were immigrants and instilled the basic need of marrying someone Jewish, regardless of how many mitzvos they did or didn't keep. The more these parents keep their heads in the sand, the more they will come to regret a future heartbreak when their son or daughter brings a non-Jew home to meet the parents and their dreams of Jewish grandchildren go up in flames. Even if a daughter ends up marrying a gentile, that does not create an environment which will be conducive to the growth of a hardy Jewish identity, and those grandchildren, though halachically Jewish, will be that much more likely to care very little about having a Jewish husband or wife - and could view their mother as hypocritical for suggesting otherwise.

For the youth, young adults, and adults out there - we need to educate them. Books like Why Marry Jewish? by Rabbi Doron Kornbluth (who I heard speak when this book was released) explain the need to marry-in without beating people over the head with Jewish guilt or more extreme-minded perspectives that can and do turn people off.

Every Jew out there has a spark within, some call it the Pintele Yid, which can and should be engaged. There is bound to be some topic about Judaism that interests the guy or girl you know that can capture their thoughts and imagination. Even if they don't become complete ba'alei teshuva, as wonderful as that would be, averting the disaster of intermarriage is something that needs to be addressed by every single one of us.

Keep our future Jewish. Date Jewish. Marry Jewish. Raise your children to be proud of their Jewish identity. Make it the bedrock of who they are so that they will always choose to build the rest of their lives by that path.

Let's not forsake any more unfortunate souls... we've lost too many already.

The Shanda of "Chrismukkah"

*RANT ALERT*

This article on CNN, which is titled "Celebrating Chrismukkah: Shalom Stockings and Hanukkah Bushes," showcases a deeply troublesome trend that is growing in America, and perhaps elsewhere in the world. Interfaith couples, seemingly more male-Jewish, female-Christian have found a way to circumvent their cognitive dissonance by "blending" their two traditions together into a mish-mash of trees with Jewish stars and other Judaica-related ornaments.

To me, this whole phenomenon is a shanda - or in English, a total embarrassment.

Seriously?! Does any Jewish person in their right mind NOT find this offensive?

In an attempt to cover up and ignore the blatant incompatibility of the two vastly different, contradictory, and historically belligerent (more so in the direction of Christian --> Judaism) religious perspectives, these couples have watered down the essence of their distinct beliefs and mushed them together into an incomprehensible facade of a holiday.

It's a poorly designed artifice that consists of a bright, shiny, and attractive gilded coating that disguises the sheer worthlessness of rot within.

While attending a recent family Chanukah party, I spoke with a female cousin who is married to a Christian man. Their son, now 6-years old, is living a lift of total conflict of identity. His mother and grandmother (his maternal grandfather is no longer living) strongly encourage him to partake in Jewish activities, celebrate the holidays with our family, attend their local Jewish day school, and go to shul on occasion. However, with the lack of a Jewish father figure of any sort, along with contemptuous and contradictory opinions being espoused by his father, the boy doesn't have a source of Jewish instruction like he should at his age.

He is stifled. He has expressed on his own that he desires to come to shul every Shabbos and do other things with his more observant friends and classmates (who have a complete set of Jewish parents), but he is often prevented from doing so either because his father overtly objects, or there simply isn't anyone to guide him, teach him, or accompany him to shul.

My cousin summed it up quite poignantly by admitting with a sigh, "It's actually a very bad thing to marry outside the faith."

I've never heard another intermarried person ever admit that aloud. I hope she somehow figures out to raise her son in an appropriate Jewish way... but for now I weep for the boy.

I have another relative on the other side of the family, this one male, who married a Christian woman, and after many years of marriage, she not only has exerted her domineering influence over their halachically non-Jewish children, but brainwashed this relative into following her whole-heartedly into her world of religious observance. He now detests the rest of us - his Jewish relatives, even those who aren't observant, and doesn't come to any family functions (to which my parents invite everyone, regardless of level of religious observance or marital status), because she has warped him into finding our religious beliefs distasteful. To me, this is a horrifying example of what the Torah tells us; that marrying daughters of other religions will lead us astray after their religion.

To be clear: I have nothing against non-Jewish people. I am more than happy that they celebrate and observe their holidays and beliefs/traditions. They have their role to play in our world, contribute to the growth and productivity of society, have every right to exist, and even merit a portion in the World to Come as long as they keep the 7 Mitzvos of the Bnei Noach. We all exist together b'tzelem Elokim, all fulfilling our distinct jobs in this physical existence.

What irks me to no end are the self-deluding Jewish people (and their significant others) who think they can inter-date and intermarry and end up okay. It simply won't happen. They'll be lost to us, and their children after them will be lost to us.

Our halacha and observances will be subsumed under the general wishy-washy conglomeration that has characterized Christianity from the start, as it absorbed and adopted the multitude of local pagan practices from the peoples it engulfed as it spread around the world.

Lighting a Chanukiah next to a Christmas tree is a complete and utter contradiction and slap-in-the-face to what the Maccabees risked and gave their lives to achieve in recapturing and purifying the Beis Hamikdash. They shed their blood to remove the foreign influences from the central physical manifestation of our connection to G-d, and we light the Chanukiah to remember their sacrifice, bravery, and commitment to Torah and Mitzvos above assimilation and adoption of beliefs incongruent to our own.

The mere fact that these individuals in the CNN article can find meaning in a blended tradition shows how weak and inane their own Judaism is. If you have no foundation, then there is nothing to build on. Even if you do have a foundation - say significant Jewish day school through Bar/Bat Mitzvah age - unless you continue to build on top of that with further Jewish education, all you have is a big cement block embedded in the ground, upon which almost anything can be placed - even if it is contradictory to that which you began life with.

I've seen it happen to several of my own peers who attended the same Orthodox day school as I did, from the 2-year-olds through the 8th grade. It's as though they simply chucked everything they had learned out the window the last time they left the building. High school was a period of freedom and exploration, without any meaningful connection to Judaism, college was no better, and now a few of them have actually intermarried. One, thank G-d, got divorced recently, but another has already had a child with his non-Jewish wife.

All this makes me very frustrated and sad. I wish these wayward Jews would see the error of their ways. This is not a post about kiruv on the whole, but the crossing (no pun intended) of a line that should never, ever be crossed in the first place. In my view, these individuals can be as non-observant as they want to be (though of course being observant of Torah and Mitzvos is the ideal and should be encouraged), but they can't date and marry gentiles. If someone isn't shomer Shabbos and kashrus, but generally still cares about Judaism, even nominally, then their is hope to engage him or her and help them return to the fold. For someone who has made that treacherous decision to choose a life partner who isn't from our people, I don't know what to say or do with him/her other than say I feel betrayed.

They have betrayed their G-d, their people, their families and friends, their parents, and most of all, themselves.

No amount of newfangled, kitschy Chrismukkah traditions will ever make up for that. Fluff remains fluff - utter nonsense - without real, meaningful connection to that which we know to be absolute Truth.

Christmas Lights = Attempt To One-Up The Chanukiah?

As I was driving home last night after a quick trip to Walgreens, I passed by several gentile homes with decorative displays of lights all around the exterior of their homes, along with well-lit Christmas trees displayed prominently in a central window.

A bit further on my return trip, I passed by our Jewish neighbors and saw their Chanukiot still burning in a front window on display for all to see.

Then an idea hit me.

Akin to many of their religious rituals and beliefs, are the Christmas lights meant to be another Christian attempt to replace/outdo our own religious practice of lighting the Chanukiah in a window, or back in the day, on a doorstep?

I was fascinated to discover that the original "minhag" for these lights was to have candles decorating Christmas trees in upper class homes. Of course, this was before electricity, but nevertheless, the parallel imagery struck me.

Our lights serve to publicize the Chanukah miracle, the miraculous victory of the Chashmona'im and the miracle of the oil remaining lit for 8 days and nights in the Menorah of the Beis Hamikdash. By lighting our Chanukiot, we are adding a bit of spiritual light to the darkness of the general world... but are they trying to copy us?

In a way, this idea seems quite strange. Instead of darkness trying to swallow our Chanukah lights, as has been the image found in many mussar schmoozes, there are now many, many more lights of all different kinds out there that are usually more grandiose, public, and eye-catching than our Chanukiot sitting on the windowsill.

And yet, that seems to be precisely the point.

For all the elaborate set ups, intricate details, pretty colors and high electric bills, there is no substance or soul to the practice of setting up strings of lights on a tree or on the outside of one's home. It's nice, it gives the family something to do together, it's tradition... but is there any depth or spirituality to it?

My answer is no.

Whereas the gentile world puts up their holiday lights for fun, for sport, or for ego inflation, we light the Chanukiah and recite blessings that acknowledge the past events and miracles that demonstrate our continued sense of gratitude to HaShem, as well as the continuity and meaning of the Maccabee's struggle against the assimilation and Hellenization of the Greek culture and values.

We don't need an ostentatious display that has a "wow" factor to achieve our purpose. Sometimes simplicity is elegance in and of itself. By lighting the Chanukiah, we connect back to our forefathers before us, going all the way back to the original establishment of the holiday following the re-dedication of the Beis Hamikdash and our renewed spiritual connection, relationship and service of HaShem.

The other lights that appear during this time of year are nothing more than distractions, background "noise" that attracts the eye but gives no substance in return.

In Haneiros Hallalu, we say that the Chanukah lights are not to be benefited from, but only to be looked upon. In doing so, we can reflect on their origin, think back to the Menorah in the Beis Hamikdash, and realize how much we've lost in its absence. However, we can also contemplate what we need to do to merit its return. We can open our minds to spiritual revitalization that the Maccabees spear-headed, and tap into the spiritual energy that permeates this time of year. Just as we say in Al Hanissim, we recognize the past events and miracles, right along their continued residual energy that reappears every year when the cycle of Jewish holidays turns once again and we arrive at this point in time

I hope we can all take the time to stop whatever we're doing and gaze at the Chanukah lights and take the time to think to ourselves about our spiritual well-being and what we can do to improve it. How can we take our own internal light, the pintele Yid, and cultivate it to become a brilliant flame that will light up our spiritual light, and even provide light for others whose internal sparks may be dim or partially smothered by spiritually harmful influences.

Just as Chazal mention that a fire can be shared without diminishing its original source, may we all merit to share our own spirituality, the Torah we've learned, and our yearning for a closer relationship and service to HaShem. By spreading the light, may we reach an illumination great enough to enlighten the world at large, and bring the ultimate source of light back to Earth with the rebuilding of the Beis Hamikdash, bimheira biyameinu.

Yosef: A True Role Model For Today

Whenever we are reading the parshiyos that discuss the lives and actions of the patriarchs and the fathers of the twelve tribes, I often here people talking about their exalted, holy level of existence, far above our own imperfect way of living. This is usually a result of over reliance on viewing them through a Midrashic lens, interpreting anything potentially problematic in their behavior in a starkly positive light.

However, approaching the Avos and their offspring in this way, in my view, puts too much of a distance between us and our progenitors. By doing this, we place them on a pedestal of spirituality, far our of our reach, and without any realistic models to inspire us to embody their very earthly, though also very spiritual, deeds, characteristics, and beliefs.

I don't mean any disrespect to our admittedly holy and spiritually elevated ancestors, but rather that we should do our best to understand pshat and figure out what we can learn from to apply in a practical fashion to our modern-day lives.

Case in point, Yosef, son of Yaakov and Rachel. He has come to be known in rabbinic writings as Yosef HaTzadik - the righteous - because of an incident in this week's parsha, Vayeishev.

Yosef, a mere teenager of 17 (maybe slightly older, 18, 19) is alone in the morally depraved Egyptian society, a servant to the head of Pharaoh's guards, Potiphar. He enjoys Potiphar's favor, who trusts him implicitly because of his good conduct, and is a model man-servant in his service of his master.

Then his master's wife sets her eye on him.

She begs him to sleep with her. And he refuses - though not without effort. The trop or cantillation on the word "and he refused" - "Vay'ma'ein" is a shalsheles, which undulates up and down 3 times, indicates, per numerous commentators, a great measure of self-doubt and struggle on Yosef's part.

Yet, despite the situation - in which no one would observe them sinning - or the biological fact that he probably had the typical late-teenager's boatload of hormones coursing through his veins, as well as the general immoral atmosphere which pervaded the Egyptian society at large, Yosef turns her down. Not once, not twice, but over and over, and to the point where he flees, as though for his very life, leaving his outer garment in her hand and running outside improperly dressed.

Most of us are aware of the famous reason for his refusal, as cited in Chagiga 36B, that Yaakov's image appeared in the window of Potiphar's house and disapprovingly spoke with Yosef about the consequences of his actions - not unlike Obi-Wan Kenobi in The Empire Strikes Back.

Don't do it, Yosef!

However, this is an Aggadic Gemara, and not indicated in the pshat. As we just learned in Daf Yomi on Shabbos 63A, "the verse never departs from the pshat," even if there is a metaphorical or deeper level of understanding in the Torah's words.

So how does that benefit us in this situation?

Because Yosef was a 17 year old teenager who resisted the often overpowering urge to indulge in physical gratification and defeated the attractive temptation that was repeatedly shoved in his face.

How many of us, as teenagers, let alone now as older, more mature adults, could say that when faced with this sort of "perfect" opportunity to sin, would not give in? Potiphar would never find out, Yosef's family would never find out, it'd be so easy to "get away with it."

And yet, Yosef didn't go down that path. Not only did he refuse to cave, he endured a public scandal that his would-be adulteress lover falsely instigated, initiating a smear campaign that landed him in a dungeon.

How many men of note, famous and well respected, have we heard of in recent years that have failed this test of temptation time and again? If it's not our president, it's the head of the CIA, governors, senators, celebrities, musicians, sports stars, and even some respected religious leaders.

None of these men (and women as well) can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with a 17-year-old Hebrew slave, kidnapped and alone in a foreign country.

Think about that.

Nowadays, the perpetrators of the these immoral sexual dalliances have first and foremost on their mind, "How can I not get caught?" "What's the best way to accomplish my personal physical gratification without causing fallout among my family, friends and supporters?" "What's the best excuse or cover story?" And none of them think about getting caught, or what that will mean, the relationships it will rip apart and the hard-earned trust it will destroy.

Yosef didn't need to worry about that, because it wasn't on his mind. He didn't contemplate how to best achieve his sin - he fought the thoughts that arose in his mind while his seductive master's wife offered her charms again and again. He fought, and won - and when he knew he couldn't fight in the same way he had before - she DID grab his garment, but who knows what else she was doing to him physically at the time - he fled as though his life was in danger.

Though perhaps not in mortal danger, he was in spiritual peril, an immortal danger, if you will, and he had to escape however he could. Though not intact in attire, he was intact spiritually. He won the war, even if was ended up damaging his public image. No matter what the people thought of him, even if Potiphar believed internally that Yosef was innocent (and hence didn't have him executed), it was better for Yosef to have his name tarnished by lies than to tarnish his soul by lying with his master's wife.

If only we could internalize Yosef's strength, pay attention more closely to that internal shalsheles of trepidation at the moment we are tempted to do an aveirah - and like Yosef, listen to it, rather than give in to the suggestions of the Yetzer Hara. Without a doubt, the world would be a better, more moral place.

I think this is a very human, relatable story that helps us connect to Yosef and our forefathers in a realistic fashion. It is possible to resist temptation, no matter what the situation is, especially in matters pertaining to sexuality - one of the most problematic arenas nowadays - and come out stronger, more resilient, and spiritually elevated by our proper choices.

Perhaps we can then also merit the title of tzadik, and better serve HaShem in a renewed, more focused, and dedicated fashion.

Who Is Truly Wealthy?

     In this week’s parsha, Yaakov finally has his face-to-face confrontation with his elder brother Esav, bringing to the fore two conflicting lifestyles and weltanschauungs. Yaakov has lived with their trickster Uncle Lavan for over 20 years, earning his living as a shepherd and raising his family, whereas Esav has spent his time hunting and mastering his martial skills. Esav arrives with 400 armed men ready for battle, while Yaakov has his family and his flocks carefully arranged to ensure the best escape plan if Esav attacks.

     Yaakov, unaware of his brother’s true intentions, and recalling the broiling anger Esav expressed shortly before he fled to Lavan’s house, attempts to placate Esav with multiple tributes consisting of choice animals selected from the flock he raised while working for Lavan. Esav, though possibly impressed by the gifts, informs Yaakov that they aren’t necessary,

     “'I have much; my brother, let that which you have remain yours,’” (Bereishis 33:9). In short, Esav is plenty wealthy enough as it is. He has a lot of stuff, and has no need to accept Yaakov’s tribute.

     Yaakov, however, insists that Esav take the animals, and even pleads with him to do so, saying, “‘…Please take the gift I brought to you; because G-d has been gracious with me, and because I have everything,’” (33:11). Only after Yaakov strongly urges Esav to accept the gifts does Esav acquiesce and take possession of the animals.

     Many commentators, including Rashi, point out the nuance of language in the two brothers’ claims regarding their personal possessions. Each exemplifies a different perspective with regard to material possessions and happiness in life.

     Esav represents the ever typical avaricious person constantly looking to obtain more possessions. As such, he remarks that he “has much.” He owns many things, including many animals. Sure he could always use more, but he doesn’t need his brother’s gift at the present time. The Midrash (I can't find the source, help anyone?) comments that Esav actually did desire Yaakov’s animals, but he gave the pretense of refusal in order to present an air of humility which he did not actually possess. Thus, after Yaakov firmly and genuinely insists that Esav accept the animals, Esav “gives in,” in appearances alone, and takes the tribute he had coveted the entire time.

     Yaakov, by stark contrast, states that “I have everything” and attributes Hashem as the source of his wealth by proclaiming “because G-d has been gracious with me.”

     Yaakov is a model example of Ben Zoma’s opinion as found in Pirkei Avos 4:1, where Ben Zoma describes several ideals of human behavior and perspective, among which is the famous dictum, “Who is rich? One who is happy with his portion.” Yaakov understands that whatever he has been given is from G-d, and whatever material possessions he now owns are the totality of the things he needs. With that attitude, he really does have everything.

    Related to that Mishna in Pirkei Avos, there is a Gemara in the tractate of Shabbos on daf 25B where several sages give their own views on who is considered to be wealthy,

     “Our Sages taught: Who is wealthy? He whose soul is pleased by his wealth: this is Rabbi Meir's view… R. Tarfon said: He who possesses a hundred vineyards, a hundred fields and a hundred slaves working in them. Rabbi Akiba said: He who has a wife whose actions are pleasant. Rabbi Yossi said: He who has a bathroom near his table.”

     Rashi comments that Rabbi Meir’s view, that a wealthy person is one “whose soul is pleased by his wealth,” is the very same approach as Ben Zoma in Pirkei Avos, “one who is happy with what he has,” regardless if he owns much or little.

     However, wow do we explain the other three opinions, which make reference to far more specific things that may be unattainable for most, such has owning 100 vineyards, 100 fields and 100 slaves, or things that seem somewhat trivial such as having a bathroom near one’s table?

     Rabbi Adin Steinzaltz, in his commentary on this Gemara, notes that these scholars are speaking about their own personal experiences. Rabbi Tarfon was actually rather wealthy, and spoke about owning many vineyards, fields and slaves. Rabbi Akiva on the other hand, had very meager possessions, but his wife Rachel was a very righteous woman who encouraged him in his studies so that he could become the great Torah sage we now know. Thus, his happiness was manifested in his wonderful, supportive wife. Rabbi Yossi suffered from a terrible intestinal disease, and thus in his eyes wealth came in the form of owning one’s own bathroom that was nearby and easy to access.

     As we see, each of these sages embodied the words said by Ben Zoma and Rabbi Meir. Each was happy with what he had, whether that was a lot (Rabbi Tarfon), a little (Rabbi Akiva) or even what one possessed amidst physical suffering (Rabbi Yossi). They defined wealth from their individual experiences; being wealthy was whatever each of them owned and benefitted from. To them, what they had was truly everything they needed, just as Yaakov expressed to Esav.

     Indeed, we can all learn a great lesson from these sages and our forefather Yaakov. There is no standard for what it means to be wealthy. There is no reason to play the game of keeping up with the Cohen’s, being envious of a neighbor’s car, house, or other material possessions. Whatever we have is meant to be ours, and Hashem wants us to be happy with the things that we possess. He wants us to be happy because what we have is what He has chosen to give us. As the verse states in Koheles in two different places (3:13 and 5:18, quoted here) “Every man also to whom G-d has given riches and wealth, and has given him the ability to eat from it, and to take his portion, and to be happy in his work - this is the gift of G-d.” Being happy with what we have, and recognizing that we have the possessions we own because Hashem wants us to have them and enjoy them to their fullest is one of the greatest gifts G-d can give us.

     Think about one major thing in your life that is important to you. Perhaps it's a car that works properly and infrequently breaks down. A house/apartment with a price or rent you can afford so that you have a place to live. An inhaler for those with asthma, which allows them to have relief from their symptoms. Even something such as a decongestant pill that allows you to breathe better through your nose (like me). Maybe your spouse, and all the wonderful things he/she does for you and means to you. Reflect on that one thing, appreciate how it makes you a wealthier person. Then, expand that sense of appreciation to the many other things in life we've been given.

     Let us recognize and appreciate that Hashem bestows material possessions upon us, that we are blessed with the ability to use and enjoy them, and to be truly happy – and wealthy – with all the gifts that G-d gives us. 

From Adam To David

This Dvar Torah started formulating in my head a short while ago as I started getting ready for Shabbos, and I had to share it.

Here we are, fresh off of Teshuva Season 2012/5773. We made it through Elul with its selichos, crowned HaShem King on Rosh Hashana, endured the fast and fully repented on Yom Kippur, behaved as best as we could to ensure our inscription in the Book of Good Life was delivered on Hoshana Rabba, then celebrated with HaShem and His Torah over Shemini Atzeres and Simchas Torah.

Now what?

Chazal, in their wisdom, developed our Torah reading practice to end on Simchas Torah (or Shemini Atzeres for those in the Holy Land), and right away we begin with the introductory portion of Bereishis, the very first Parsha of the Chumash.

While there is much substance to the notion of showing our collective love and dedication to G-d's Torah so soon after our Days of Awe, I think that there is a more nuanced, deeper lesson to be derived as well.

One of the most infamous incidents of the entire Tanach takes place in this week's Parsha. Shortly after being informed that they can eat of any tree in the Garden of Eden except for the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Bad, Chava and subsequently Adam violate that commandment after some insidious plotting by the snake.

When confronted with their transgression, Adam, then Chava play the blame game. He points to her, she points to the snake, and everyone receives their particular punishment.

So soon after our annual Teshuva Season, we read of the very first humans and their example of how NOT to do Teshuva.

Instead of owning up to his own poor choice, Adam deflects responsibility entirely:

And the man said: 'The woman whom Thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat.' (Bereishis 3:12)

Upon hearing this accusation, G-d turns to Chava for her response,

And the L-RD G-d said unto the woman: 'What is this thou hast done?' And the woman said: 'The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat.' (3:13)

G-d doesn't even give the snake a chance to defend itself, and starts off right away doling out punishment, beginning with the snake and moving onto Chava and then Adam.

On a literary side point - note the nifty repetition and reversal of the order of subjects: Adam is told the commandment and tells it to Chava who then repeats it to the snake, the snake convinces Chava who convinces Adam, G-d goes to Adam who blames Chava who blames the snake, and then G-d distributes punishment starting at the snake, then to Chava and back to Adam.

What should have happened?

Adam should have fessed up for his bad decision, not shifted the blame to his wife and partner. Chava in turn should have admitted to her own wrongdoing at choosing to follow the admittedly negative intentions of the snake.

Where do we see a model of this sort of proper teshuva, where the sinner admits to his transgression right away without batting an eye or rationalizing his behavior?

David Hamelech.

Centuries later, in the story told in Shmuel Bet chapters 11 and 12, David notices Batsheva, wife of Uria HaChiti and desires her. They sleep together, David subsequently has Uria sent off to die on the front lines of battle via his general Yoav, and he marries Batsheva. HaShem is not happy with this turn of events, for David has committed a most egregious sin.

HaShem sends the prophet Natan to rebuke David via a parable of a rich man stealing a poor man's lone lamb, which stirs up feelings of justice, leading him to say the rich man in the story should be put to death for his sin. Natan turns to David and says that he is the rich man of the story and he has sinned by having Uria killed and marrying Batsheva. He goes on to describe the forthcoming, very public and very damaging punishment that David has earned for his secretive sin.

Without any hesitation, and without batting an eye, King David immediately replies two words (12:13): "Chatasi LaShem" - "I have sinned against G-d."

Now THAT is teshuva.

The effectiveness of King David's teshuva is immediate:

And Nathan said unto David: 'The L-RD also hath put away thy sin; thou shalt not die. (12:13)

King David does not escape all punishment, and the child he has conceived with Batsheva will become sick and die. While he fasts and prays for mercy on behalf of his son while the child is ill, immediately after he dies, King David gets up from his fasting, washes, dresses, goes to the House of HaShem and bows, returns to his own home and eats, thus resuming his role of King of Israel.

His servants are baffled at the sudden diametrical shift in behavior. But King David replies to their questions by stating:

And he said: 'While the child was yet alive, I fasted and wept; for I said: Who knoweth whether the L-RD will not be gracious to me, that the child may live? But now he is dead, wherefore should I fast? can I bring him back again? I shall go to him, but he will not return to me.' (12:22-23).

Even after the tragic fulfillment of the punishment decreed by G-d, King David remains steadfast in his Teshuva. He knows there is the possibility that HaShem may show mercy, and still he accepts the judgement that has been passed on him because of his actions. He goes on to comfort his wife, Batsheva, and they later conceive Shlomo - his eventual successor to the throne.

We are human, and we will make mistakes and choose wrongly on occasion - just as we see with the very first humans beings created. It's part of our imperfect nature. HaShem knew this before we even existed, hence the Gemara in Pesachim 54A where Chazal tell us that Teshuva was one of the few things HaShem found important enough to create before our physical universe came into being.

Perhaps this connection further supports the Midrash in Yalkut Shimoni (Bereshis 41) that discusses how Adam was originally supposed to live for 1000 years, while King David was only supposed to live for 3 hours. Adam was told this information, and willingly "donated" 70 years of his life to David.

I don't know when this exchange took place, but based on what we've seen above, I would venture to say that it takes place after Adam ate from the Tree of Knowledge and received his punishment. It could very well be that Adam's motivation in doing so was also prophetically motivated - just as he knew David was supposed to live for such a short time, he saw David's potential and how he could become a role model for Teshuva in a way that Adam himself could and did not.

Let us take to heart the model of Teshuva as embodied by David HaMelech and not fall to playing the blame game as Adam and Chava did. In doing so, we can maintain the momentum of the growth and inspiration that we achieved during Teshuva Season 5773 - and even when we take a misstep here and there, we can bounce back with full repentance and further develop our devotion and connection to G-d.

Lipa Schmeltzer's New Song/Video - "Mizrach"

While not Rosh Hashana related, Lipa has released a new music video for his song "Mizrach," which is dedicated to the Nachal Chareidi. It promotes unity among all the different groups within the Jewish People, which is always a noble goal, especially now around the Yomim Nora'im.

Ever since I first met/saw Lipa perform live at the 2nd YU-Nite Shabbaton in Stamford, Connecticut, I knew  he was different from other performers out there from more right-wing backgrounds. After hearing him speak very positively about YU during the shabbaton as well as during his YU Chanukah performance, I became convinced that he is meant to be someone who uses his popularity and talent to greatly benefit the Jewish People.

See Lipa singing that if he could do things over, he'd go to YU.

Instead of merely created new engaging, inspiring and enjoyable music, he has become a personality for positive growth and unity - something we all need to focus on a little bit more these days, especially this time of the year.

I wish him much success, not only in his musical career, but in reaching out to Jews across the spectrum of Hashkafos and levels of religious observance - helping to bring us all a littler closer together.

Thank G-d For All I Missed...?

While a lot of modern secular music today is utter trash - full of nivul peh, discussions about physical relationships, women's bodies, lustful desires and other inappropriate topics not worth singing about, there are still a few gems out there.

For some reason, on the days I've gotten tired of listening to the few Jewish Music CDs I have in my car (my older model vehicle doesn't have a multi-disc CD changer), I've been gravitating toward the local country station. Yes, go ahead and laugh if you'd like, but there are some very moving and inspirational songs to be found there. At the very least, there are definitely more worthwhile songs there than on the popular "90's, 2K, and today" stations.

I stumbled upon a song called "This" by Darius Rucker, once known many years ago for his band Hootie and the Blowfish (and their classic song "I Only Wanna Be With You").

In short, it's about a man reflecting on where life has taken him - or not taken him - along with his recognition and gratitude to G-d for arranging things the way they've happened. Despite the many setbacks and disappointments he's experienced, from the seemingly minor red traffic lights or the more major heartbreaks suffered from relationships that didn't work out - he's thankful for what he has and appreciates his life as it is.

I don't really know how I got here

But I'm sure glad that I did

And it's crazy to think that one little thing

Could've changed all of it

How often do we take a step back to think about the process that led us to where we are now? I know I did this a lot when I was in yeshiva in Israel, and I began to see how many of the little, often complicated pieces of my life all came together to allow me to spend time learning in the holiest place on earth. 

Of course, life being as busy as it always is, I fell out of that mindset after I got back to America and YU. Not only did I not think about the positive things or circumstances that brought me to where I was, my mind veered the other way entirely, and began to focus on the negative happenings that upset or disrupt my life. I am embarrassed to say that after some time, I seemed to focus on a string of negative experiences that appeared linked together - for the purpose of dragging me down.

Maybe it didn't turn out like I planned

Maybe that's why I'm such, such a lucky man

Despite all that, there is so much to be thankful for - no matter how rough or frustrating life may become. Man's plans can go totally awry, but nevertheless, it will work out in the end, if we give it time and proper consideration.

We can apply these thoughts to any area in life, but they are especially suited to dating, marriage and personal relationships. Often, when we get frustrated with how this are of our lives is going, we become resentful, wondering why we have to go through so much for seemingly so little gain - or what appears to be no gain at all. Yet, we don't know what will happen a year from now, six months from now, a week from now or even tomorrow. Things can and do turn around in ways that we don't expect because we aren't privy to the whole picture.

I didn't understand it way back when
But sitting here right now it all makes perfect sense

It may not make "perfect" sense, since nothing in our human realm is ever really perfect, especially our understanding of how life works, but it will make some worthwhile sense.

One day, hopefully sooner than later, the process of dating, meeting people, forming connections, making phone call after phone call, dressing up and going out again and again will come to an end.

For those of us who are already married, I can speak from personal experience that marriage is definitely a beginning rather than an ending, with its own trials and tribulations,  its highs and lows, the full spectrum of emotions. Figuring all that out, discovering more about your new life partner as well as learning more about yourself and how you work - which you would NEVER have thought through as a single person, can be maddening.

All the fights and tears and the heartache
I thought I'd never go through
And the moment I almost gave up
All lead me here to you

Yet, if we all take a step back and try to see the bigger picture we can be appreciative of what we have and how we got here. The journey may be rough at times, but we're still here, right? For every opportunity you've had but lost, felt like you failed, or reached a hopeless dead end, think more deeply and wonder where you were able to go on from there, precisely because of this roadblock that frustrated you at the time.

Don't think about what could have been had you succeeded there, because there is no use crying over spilled milk. What did you do in that situation? How did you move on and to where? More importantly, where are you now? How did that event affect you, positively or negatively and lead you to where you are and who you have become? Did you use those "missed" opportunities for what they really were - a chance for growth, or did you stew in misery? Even if you didn't learn something then, what can you learn from it to apply to life in the here and now?

All the doors I had to close
All the things I knew but I didn't know
Thank G-d for all I missed
Because it led me here to this

This mindset is particularly appropriate for the month of Elul, when we should be focusing on the past year and the things we've done and experienced. If we can see our mistakes and other negative moments in life in a positive light, to draw strength and inspiration from them, we can use that to turn even our aveiros into mitzvos, regretting the negative but learning from our actions to propel us forward into a better, more informed future.

May we all appreciate all the things we've missed, tap into that source of inspiration for the good.

Save The Worms - Lend A Helping Hand

It happens almost every day, and each time I see the aftermath I feel saddened and helpless.

I'm walking down the sidewalk, typically going into or leaving my apartment and I notice a curled up, crispy little creature frozen in time, its last moments captured in some horrific, painful-looking expression of death . 

What am I talking about? Earthworms.

Your friendly neighborhood soil processor.
Source: wikimedia.org

While I used to think these little guys surfaced after it rained to avoid drowning, it turns out the real reason is because they utilize the moistened environment to move around above ground, a faster mode of transport than burrowing through the dirt, their typical means of travel which helps avoid becoming dried out. 

I have noticed worms crawling across the sidewalk in the early morning on my way to shul for Shacharis. In the afternoons, as I return for Mincha/Ma'ariv, I often spot unfortunate worms who didn't quite make it back into a nearby dirt-covered area before the midday sun baked them into something that looks like this:

Source:  http://southfloridadaily.com/

In the worst cases,  the poor critters are frozen in time, reaching upward as though begging G-d Himself to help them find shelter as their body dehydrates and dies millimeter by millimeter. I imagine that experience is excruciatingly painful, but I am thankful that the worms don't possess a higher sentience that allows them to dwell on their misery in some philosophical/ existential fashion as they progressively exit their mortal existence.

So what's with all this worm musing?

Sometimes we see people we know struggling with a difficulty in life. Trying to make it from point A to point B, but for whatever reason they can't quite make it, and may very well fail in their attempt. It could be that they don't possess all the faculties or resources to be able to accomplish the goal for which they have the desire. 

As much as we are taught to believe that G-d does not give us challenges that we cannot overcome, I do not think that this means we, as individuals, must approach these obstacles alone. The very fact that you witness someone struggling means that you had the opportunity to see them in their state of need means that you are now connected with their travail, however minor your observance of their toil might be. 

Whether it's someone struggling in Torah learning, trying to accept upon themselves the observance or improved observance of a particular mitzvah, difficulty dating, conflicts with friends, teachers, or parents, or just about anything else out there - it would behoove us to think about how we can help the person achieve what they are trying to accomplish. 

Our effort could be as extensive as offering to work closely with the person to facilitate their success, becoming their chevrusa, dating mentor, shoulder to cry on, ear to listen, or as seemingly minor as offering a word of encouragement or pointing them in the right direction, letting them know where they can get help, or telling them you've also struggled with this area and would be glad to lend a hand where possible.

Every time I see an earthworm making its way across the damp morning sidewalk - or especially if it is later in the day and the temperature along with the sun's radiance is increasing - I take a moment to crouch down and move the little guy into a shady grassy/dirt covered area nearby. It's such a minimal effort, but it saves the worm from a terrible death.

We must be cognizant of those around us, especially those close to us, those we hold near and dear in our hearts and minds, and not stand still while they frustrate themselves with something that may be just beyond their reach. Just like that earthworm that was inches away from the grass before it was crispified by the sun, we could reach out and give those people the small little boost of support they need to succeed for themselves. 

May we all look out for one another, in ways both big and small, and create a more unified Jewish people as a result of our efforts.

They Might Be Giants...

In this week’s Parsha of Shelach, we encounter the tragic incident of the spies. Sent by Moshe at the request of the people, ten of these twelve men of stature return from their 40-day sojourn in the land of Canaan with a negative, discouraging report that greatly frightens Bnei Yisrael, thereby inducing a mass hysteria.  This terrified reaction leads to Hashem’s proclamation that the entire generation that unjustly bemoaned why they ever left Egypt will not merit inheriting the land promised to their forefathers.

What was the main problem in the spies report? Some commentators focus on the fact that they incorrectly gave an assessment of Bnei  Yisrael’s capability to fight the Canaanites instead of assessing the goodness of the land, thereby ignoring Moshe’s instructions; they were sent to survey the territory, not formulate a strategy for the forthcoming battles.  

I would like to offer a different approach that emphasizes the perspective and message that was delivered, which will hopefully demonstrate the problematic nature of the spies’ report.

After their initial remarks, and the encouraging but failed counter-protest by Calev, the spies conclude their dismal presentation by saying “…And there we saw the Nephilim, the sons of Anak, who come of the Nephilim; and we were in our own sight as grasshoppers, and so we were in their sight'” (Bamidbar 13:33).

The word “Nephilim” is typically translated as giants, and these residents of Canaan indeed were physically large as well as experienced warriors. It is also true that by this point in time, Bnei Yisrael had not fought in many battles. However, they had seen the powerful outstretched arm of Hashem miraculously wipe out the Egyptian people and its army and had heard Hashem promise that He would again intervene in their forthcoming campaign to conquer Canaan.

Yet, what exactly did the spies say? They claimed that “we were in our own sight as grasshoppers,” a remark spoken from their own perspective, which minimized their personal significance and talents. They then went further to conjecture from the viewpoint of the giants, placing unexpressed thoughts into their minds and words into their mouths. Regardless of what the Nephilim did or didn’t say (see the tractate of Sotah 3A where this is discussed), the central issue at hand is the spies’ self-abnegation. The spies perceived themselves as grasshoppers – and because they conceived themselves as such, they became what they feared. Only after they declare “we were in our own sight as grasshoppers” then they concluded “and so we were in their sight.’”

It is interesting to note that the spies chose the image of a “chagav” or “grasshopper” to demonstrate their misperceived weakness. This exact phraseology is used again in a similar deprecating fashion later in Tanach in the book of Yeshaya, where the verse says, “The One Who sits above the circle of the earth, and those who inhabit it are as grasshoppers” (40:22). Clearly, being compared to a grasshopper is not a favorable metaphor.

A grasshopper

However, I think this is where the spies missed the point. True, the giants were physically larger and mightier than Bnei Yisrael, and had fought in countless wars that honed the skills of their army while we spent centuries in slavery. Indeed, this mere fact could make us feel like insects in their sight. But, there is another, related creature that the spies, and in reality, all of Bnei Yisrael had recently witnessed that wrought tremendous destructive power despite its small size: the locust.

An Egyptian locust

A giant locust swarm

A swarm of locusts ravaged the Egyptian countryside as the seventh of the ten plagues Hashem brought upon Pharaoh and his nation as punishment for their mistreatment of Bnei Yisrael. Individually, a locust is nothing more than a buzzing pest, and for some a food item. Yet, when combined into an organized mass, they are a force to be reckoned with. In fact, they cannot be reckoned with, and the only thing anyone can do in the face of a locust swarm is pray that the locusts veer away from their crops.

A swarm of locusts devouring vegetation in the
Mexican State of Yucatan

                                                                 Locusts are actually a subtype of grasshopper, distinct for their swarming behavioral pattern. In this light, the spies should have seen themselves, and the entirety of the Jewish people, as a swarm of locusts, each individual seemingly minute and unimportant, but together, they form an almost unstoppable wave of awe-inspiring, coordinated power. Guided by the Hand of Hashem, as the locusts were in Egypt (and elsewhere in Tanach, see the second chapter of Joel), they would be victorious as they overwhelmed the Canaanites and successfully conquered the land promised to their forefathers.

Alas, this was not to be.

However, we can learn from this entomology lesson (entomology is the study of insects) and strive to avoid making the same mistake the spies made. We should recognize the harmful properties of projecting a negative, self-deprecating image of ourselves; it can become an unfortunate, self-destructive reality.  We should also take to heart the concept presented in Mishlei 14:28, “B’rov Am Hadras Melech” or “In the multitudes there is glorification of the King.” We are not comparable to lone grasshoppers, but to locusts, who join together for a purpose larger and more significant than we may realize. A minyan of ten men can accomplish more than a single man praying alone, and the totality of the Jewish People gathered together, joining our unique individualities in the service of Hashem, can accomplish miraculous feats the likes of which the world cannot begin to imagine. Together, and only together, with the light of the Torah as our guide, can we achieve what may otherwise seem impossible.