Monday, June 6, 2011

Testing 1-2-3, Testing 1-2-3

“I am beyond delighted to make your splendid acquaintance, Shelly,” Ari uttered aloud.

“I can say the same, yet about you,” his date replied while shaking her head such that her long curly locks fluttered as the wings of butterflies.

“The soup will arrive soon!” He said, thrusting his spoon into the air mightily.

“I certainly hope so, for I am famished enough to consume an equine whole!” Shelly retorted with glee in her eyes.

In moments, their delicious split pea soup was actually delivered to their table. The waitress, while yawning into one hand, proceeded to pour the soup into Shelly’s lap with the other. She hopped about in her seat shouting “Hot, hot, hot!”

“Oh, I am sorry,” the waitress said with a clown-like frown before she fled through the kitchen door waving her arms in the air wildly.

“Praise the Almighty, I have been severely souped!” Shelly shouted toward the heavens with outstretched palms.

“You have passed my ultimate test of marriage-worthy-ness!” Ari shouted with great exuberance. He summoned the waitress back by snapping his fingers rhythmically. She hopped toward the table as a frog and presented a silver platter which held a small orange striped velvet box. Ari took the box, opened it to reveal the sparkling diamond ring within, and set it down in front of his date on her fish appetizer.

“What are you doing?!” She asked tumultuously, her hair waving as snakes on a hot skillet in the middle of July.

“I hereby offer you the opportunity to give me your hand in marriage. Accept the ring and be mine forever!” He grinned the widest grin ever grinned. “I look forward to your cleaning of my laundry!” Ari cheered.

“I am unimpressed!” She declared, rising to her feet, without concern that now all could see the large green stain splattered across the front of her dress, which was shaped exactly like the state of Oklahoma. “In fact, I blow my nose at your so-called ‘test’ of my marriage-worthy-ness!” She quickly snatched his tie from around his neck, cupped it to her nostrils, and blasted mightily. Upon finishing, she dropped the used garment on his salad plate.

Ari looked down in complete shock, his jaw almost hitting the table. “But, you did not take the token of my esteem!” He cried out in abject sorrow.

“Indeed. Fare thee well,” she turned on her heel and began walking briskly. “Goodbye and never hello again!” She proclaimed to all the other restaurant patrons who clapped with one hand on their spare banana sundaes.

“This was only a test?” The waitress hiccuped at Ari.

“Yes,” he raised a handsome eyebrow. “But it was I who failed.”


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