Monday, July 18, 2011

Things I've Learned Since I've Gotten Married #7: Icky Removal

This point seems to be blatantly obvious for most men and women, but I figured it's worthwhile to add my own insights to the mix of (mis)information out there.

As most people seem to know, women are not quite fond of creepy crawly things, slimy/squishy things, and scampering/slithering scaled things, among other creatures out there that aren't in the same category of cuteness as a puppy or kitten. This means whenever an insect, arachnid, rodent, reptile or whatever shows up uninvited, it's generally the husband's job to capture/kill and dispose of the unwanted guest. This also comes up whenever multi-legged critters turn up deceased around the apartment and their remains must be removed without delay - especially if they are found in very public or high traffic areas.

I am not such a fan of killing animals for no real reason, and am more likely to pursue a catch-and-release-outside option should it be available, especially for things that don't have an exoskeleton. While I have indeed killed a few spiders/roaches, I've also caught and released a gecko or two (true story, and no, they aren't native in these parts).

The policy of having the husband deal with gross things also applies to cleaning/throwing away items that have become rather noxious, dirty, or slimy. Generally, this isn't much of a problem, and I find it much easier to deal with than living animals.

Sometimes, though, even my tolerance for dealing with such things can be tested.

Case in point, ASoG was cleaning the tub of our new apartment and discovered that the water wasn't draining well. Of course, this probably meant that there was something clogged beneath the little drain stopper. As a rule, I'm the one who always removes any sort of hair clot, even if we know we caused the issue (and women are notorious for shedding, which is the topic of another post entirely). However, this time was a little different.

Granted, the drain clog had nothing to do with us, and was created by the previous occupants, which did add another level of icky-factor. In fact, I was already expected ASoG to ask me to assist her in this aspect of cleaning the tub. What I didn't expect to hear was this:

"AHHHH! Come quick! It's LOOKING at me!"

I honestly had no idea what I was going to find, but I ran to the rescue anyway and peered into the drain as ASoG hovered a safe distance away. I thought there might have been a lizard, maybe even a mouse, but instead I saw a bunch of eyes looking back at me. More in number and larger in size than any local creature that I'm aware of. It was also quite fuzzy/hairy. I could tell it wasn't a tarantula, but I was still a bit hesitant to stick my finger anywhere near it. I grabbed a vinyl glove from nearby and extracted this interesting thing:

Basically, it's a combination fuzz/hair clot along with a woman's hair scrunchy thing with beads that look like large eyeballs. I've dubbed it "The Drain Googly." ASoG wouldn't even look at it because of its high level icky-ness, and I can't really blame her. I quickly ran to the kitchen, took this picture for posterity (and this post), and dropped it into the garbage. This discovery makes me wonder if someone who used to live here is looking for her hair thingy.

Ah, the pleasures of being Pest Control in shining armor.


  1. Great reason to be married!
    and I am impressed you even carried it with gloves, I would have been really freaked out!

  2. Thank G-d for courageous husbands.
    This reminds me of how one of my flatmates in seminary used to kill the harmless bugs because her roommate was terrified of moths, ants, etc.

  3. Just thank your lucky stars you never had a mouse. ;-) Oh, that reminds me of a story. I and TAW came home one night and we saw a large bug chilling over our couch. My wife implored that I kill the offending creature. (“eww eww, kill it kill it”) I surmised it would make a large “crunch” and with that warning she skedaddled out of the room. After crushing the guts out of the bug I noticed that the remains were glowing in the tissue. I presented the “kill” to my wife to which she responded: “You killed a FIREFLY! How could you!?! (Fireflies happen to be one of her favorite creatures… oh well…. :-/)

  4. Yedid Nefesh - once I determined it wasn't a living critter, I wasn't too worried with the glove on.

    Sefardi Gal - I also did that when our yeshiva dorm room became infested with ants.

    SiBaW - True, I haven't dealt with a live mouse, but I have extracted a mummified mouse corpse from a window fan using chopsticks. That's a pretty funny/sad story about the firefly... I don't recall fireflies being so large, though.


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