Divrei Torah For Batya Shira Bas Chasida - In Need Of Your Prayers NOW

As many may know, Rav Reichman's daughter, Batya Shira bas Chasida gave birth to a healthy baby girl yesterday, but is actively suffering from a some sort of infection and malady in her brain. Thank G-d, she is doing much better after surgery, but is very much in need of our tefillos. Rav Reichman said to particularly focus on Perek 103 and the first 5 psukim there.

For the full story (and updates) see Chana's post, as well as this tehillim Facebook page.

In my own way of contributing, I will post some divrei Torah I heard from Rav Schachter and Rav Reichman the Shabbos of Chana and Heshy's Shabbos Sheva Brachos which ASoG and I had the pleasure of attending.

May the merit of these Divrei Torah, as well as all the other zechuyos being performed on Batya Shira bas Chasida's behalf bring her a reufah shelayma bimheira.

(Note: Rav Shachter's dvar Torah was from a parsha shiur given on Shabbos morning, while Rav Reichman's was spoken at the Sheva Brachos itself).

Rav Hershel Shachter on Parshas Shelach:

Yaakov Avinu asked for all the idols his family had in their possession and decided to bury them. Chazal (I think) ask why, especially if he had already had a non-Jew deconsecrate them, thereby making benefit from the statues and whatnot permissible. Rav Shachter explained (from I forget who) that Yaakov was being machmir. Why was he being machmir? Because he was out and involved in the real world, having interactions with people like Lavan – whenever you are out in the world and being part of society where harmful influences exist, that’s when you need more gedarim and to take on chumros to protect yourself.

The guys sitting in kollel and learning all day, surrounded entirely by an atmosphere of kedusha should be the most maykil ones, what do they need to be worried about? Today’s society is entirely backward, with the full-time learners trying to our-frum each other with unnecessary chumros, while many people out in business try to do the most minimum to get by halachically. Definitely something to think about.

Rav Reichman's Dvar Torah at Chana and Heshy's Sheva Brachos:

I, along with ASoG, had the distinct pleasure of attending the Shabbos night sheva brachos of Heshy and Chana (of Curious Jew fame). The entire celebration was absolutely wonderful, with Chana retelling the dvar Torah she gave at the wedding dinner, and everyone going around the table and offering words of Torah and bracha to the chosson and kallah. I particularly want to share the dvar Torah / bracha that Rav Reichman shared with us.

Rav Reichman noted, as had most everyone else, that the merger of the Bobov Chassidic Heshy and Modern Orthodox Chana is quite unique. Rav Reichman himself, as he explained is also a distinct Rosh Yeshiva at YU since he also embodies a distinct mixture of Chassidus and Modern Orthodoxy, which he indicated by pointing to the pictures of gedolim from both worlds (and then some) on his wall: A painting of the Shem Mi’Shmuel next to Rav Soloveitchik, The Lubavitcher Rebbe near Rav Kook, Rav Moshe Feinstein and others.

Rav Reichman said that in years past, the communities of Ashkenazim, Sephardim, Misnagdim, Yekkes, Chassidim, Bucharian, etc all lived in very separate communities and had nothing to do with one another. He recalled remarks he heard from Rav Soloveitchik about non-Chassidim’s view of Chassidim. The Rav said that the Jews in Lithuania were not big fans of the Chassidim and would not speak so fondly of them, but when he went to Germany, the then Hirschian Modern Orthodox German Jews said they felt they had more in common with the German gentiles than with Polish Chassidim!

Many people think that Yeshivish people have more in common with Chassidim than Modern Orthodox do. Both Yeshivish and Chassidim wear primarily black, whereas you see Modern Orthodox wear white (and other colots). In actuality, Rav Reichman said, Modern Orthodoxy has far more in common with Chassidim.

The roots of Chassidus, as founded by the Baal Shem Tov, is to go out into the world and find the sparks of holiness in everything that surrounds us. In other words, the intention is to elevate the mundane into the service of the holy. Modern Orthodoxy also believes that Jews should go out into the world, utilizing the secular/mundane and changing the world for the better, essentially doing the same thing. Those with hardcore Yeshivish beliefs are of the opinion that it is better to simply sit in the beis medrish and learn, ignoring the world at large.

Rav Reichman said we are zoche to live in an amazing generation. Since the churban of World War II, HaShem has very masterfully arranged two “chulent pots” of Jews; one in Israel and the other in America. In these two places, quite unlike what occurred in the past, all these different kinds of Jews from all sorts of different backgrounds live in close proximity – close enough to learn from one another. And that’s how it should be! Heshy and Chana’s union is a beautiful example of this. They are two people with very different backgrounds, upbringing, and experiences who have come together to build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael.

I Light It - NCSY Chanukah Musical Remix 2010 - Music by Six13

While the Maccabeats' smash hit "Candlelight" keeps going on and on and on (sorry, couldn't resist, but hey, they have over 850,000 views now) - there is another Chanukah video, produced by Chana from Curious Jew for NCSY that is also worth watching.

Aside from the cute video itself, which depicts New Yorkers dancing and wearing NCSY-produced Chanukah T-shirts, Six13 - who is perhaps the best professional Jewish a cappella group - makes an appearance and performs the background music.

Check it out:



Incidentally, both "Candlelight" and "I Light It" can be purchased on iTunes for just 99 cents each.

Have a great Shabbos and a continued Lichtegen, Freilechen Chanukah!

Latkes And Applesauce: What's The Deal!?

Ah, latkes, the favorite fried potato treat eaten by Jews all over during the holiday of Chanukah, which we now find ourselves celebrating. Though hashed browns - a latke equivalent typically served at breakfast/brunch - are available to consume all year, Jewish people make the extra effort to grate and fry (or just reheat frozen premade) latkes and serve them during Chanukah meals.

One thing that has always bothered me about how Jews eat latkes is what we have chosen as a condiment - the tafel to the ikkar of the potato pancake: sour cream and applesauce. I've never been a big fan of sour cream, but I can understand its association with potatoes, since many people regularly put sour cream on their baked potato throughout the year. Applesauce, on the other hand, just leaves me scratching my head. Does anyone honestly put applesauce on their baked potato or any other potato related dish (mashed potatoes + applesauce?) at any other time of the year?

Why do we do this!?
I was contemplating this dilemma and came up with a Hebrew vocab related connection that sort of makes sense (at least to me). Perhaps there is something of significance in the linguistic similarity of "Tapuach" = "Tapuach Adama" (or in English "Apple = Potato"). Let me paint a little historical vignette that better explains my theory:

Maybe one year just before Chanukah some local shop keeper in Europe placed his annual order for potatoes to his dry goods provider, which he wrote as "Tapuach Adama." Somehow, that particular item on his list was inadvertently partially erased, and now just read "Tapuach," with the word "Adama" no longer legible. The dry goods supplier read the order and scratched his head, wondering why the shop keeper didn't want potatoes for Chanukah. But, due to the limits of communication back in those days, he couldn't check with him in time, and instead went ahead and filled it out as it was now written, sending a bushel of apples.

Boy, the look on the store keeper's face when he got that crate of apples instead of potatoes must have been fantastically funny. Imagine further the shopkeeper trying to get rid of his surplus stock of apples in the place of the expected potato influx that year - all those creative advertisements and announcements he came up with to grab people's attention and convince potential buyers that this was the thing to buy/eat/make for Chanukah.

Somehow he was able to "sell" his idea to the townspeople, who then made applesauce or whatever instead of latkes. The idea was slow to catch on, but by the end of the chag, everyone was raving about the apples and apple dishes. In the end, everyone had a happy, though ever-so-slightly-different Chanukah seudah experience that fateful year.

I figure that the evolution of the comestible custom continued the following year when the people really enjoyed their apple-based Chanukah treats. They implored the storekeeper to order apples along with the more traditional potatoes, having decided to preserve their new-found minhag along with the established practice of potato latkes. Thus, a strange, yet tasty new Jewish dish was born: latkes with applesauce.

I know, I'm probably totally off my rocker for even contemplating this sort of thing (let alone to the degree which I've fleshed out the fictional historical incident here), but has anyone else ever thought about this?

Incidentally, according to Wikipedia, Potatoes, which are indigenous to South America, were not introduced to Europe (via the Spanish) until the 1500's. Apples, in stark contrast, are actually native to to the region the world near/including Israel (IE Turkey), which predates that by close to 2,000 years.

The culinary minhag for Chanukah generally dictates making some dish using (olive) oil as a reminder of the miracle of the Menorah in the Beis Hamikdash remaining lit for 8 days. This explains the custom of Sephardic, Israeli, and Polish (huh?) Jews making fried dough creations with jelly in them (aka sufganiyot), since fried dough and stuffed food items are mentioned in the Gemara.

Latkes, by contrast, would have been a much later development, and seem to be more exclusively associated with Ashkenazi Jews, who possibly got the whole potato frying thing from neighboring gentiles as potatoes and potato recipes began to spread through Europe thanks to the Spanish.

So my crazy theory might be just that: entirely ludicrous. At any rate, enjoy your various oil-fried festive Chanukah foods!

Have a lichtegen, freilechen Chanukah!*

*an illuminated and happy Chanukah

Well, Now You've Gone And Done It...

Yes, I did it. Perhaps it was time, perhaps it wasn't - and I still don't know the full impact of my decision just yet.

My 2-year Verizon plan concluded and I was up for renewal plus a new phone. After 2 years of frustration with a primitive touch-screen (in place of the "okay/select" and directional buttons), which rarely worked well, and in defiance of ASoG's warnings (she was worried I'd regret getting another touchscreen), I got totally touch screen smart phone instead of another phone which had an actual flip-up QWERTY keyboard.

So while I have now joined the thousands (probably more than that) of people who have these new-fangled devices, the real point of this post is that I also just downloaded the free siddur app. Some nice fellow decided to scan an entire siddur, and made up this fancy-schmancy interface where I can go immediately to Shacharis, Mincha, Ma'ariv, bentsching, brachos, etc.

For the longest time I have held a very negative view of people using their smart phones in the place of siddurim for davening. I think it is a nice convenience to have access to for bentsching, but while saying bikas hamazon takes only a few minutes, any of the three primary tefillos (or Mussaf for Rosh Chodesh and Chol Hamoed) takes a considerable amount of time longer.

Hence, my suspicion is always aroused anytime I see someone using their smart phone in shul/at minyan. True, I should be dan lekaf zechus that they are just using their app instead of a siddur - particularly at Mincha/Ma'ariv in a non-shul location where this would be most helpful - but I can't even begin to count the number of times I've seen people goofing off, checking email, etc during Chazaras Hashatz, or other "downtime."

So why did I download the app, even though I totally agree with ASoG that I don't want to become one of those guys using his smart phone during davening? I view the app as a sort of added insurance fo sorts. I'm sure some instance will come up where it will be easier to use the smart phone or where I won't have my wallet with me and thus my pocket mini benstcher/Mincha-Ma'ariv as well. At the moment, I have three scenarios in my head:

1) The few times I end up davening Ma'ariv in an airport (which happens every now and then) where I will be a little less conspicuous if I'm just standing to the side with my phone instead of clutching my little siddur. I'm not afraid of being seen davening in an airport, or even fielding questions about it afterward, but I'd rather be as inconspicuous as possible.

2) As I have witnessed repeatedly, this app comes in handy at wedding minyanim. There have been more than a handful of instances where I get a ride to a wedding, don't take my wallet since I don't need any money, and later regret not remembering to bring my mini-siddur. I always have my phone on me and now I will have a siddur as well. In fact, I have been saved by several nice fellows who shared their smart phone with me at post chuppa/chosson's tisch minyanim.

3) If I'm in a situation of an impromtu minyan where there are no siddurim provided to the attendees and someone else doesn't have their own siddur. I can simply lend them mine and then use my phone for myself. This is also assuming I can fight off any yetzer hara I may have to check my email over the course of the minyan, which I hope I could.

At any rate, my typical modus operandi will still consist of using my well worn, yeshiva-in-Israel issued mini-siddur, while my new phone will be in my pocket (turned off, of course). Technology is wonderful, and I very much like the idea of having a siddur - or Shas, for example (I've seen a YU BMP rabbi learning off his smart phone on occasion) - but I'm not going to let that positive benefit suck me into a distraction that will ruin my davening experience.

ASoG Says: A Reply To "Thank You"

Shades of Grey has been requesting now for a long time (even before we were engaged) that I make an appearance and when reading this post I figured it was a good opportunity. Even though this post was written from a husband’s perspective and Shades of Grey wrote that “the un-thanked wife/unappreciative husband model is by far the more common one,” nonetheless my husband is an amazing, wonderful, caring husband who equally deserves thanks from his wife. Yes, in a marriage the mundane things in life need to be taken care; the garbage and recycling need to be taken out, the dishes have to be done, dinner has to be prepared and cooked, the laundry has to be done, the floors have to be washed and the toilet has to be scrubbed, yet there is much more to a successful marriage. Having food to eat and a clean bed to sleep in won’t ensure a happy fulfilling marriage. So even though a wife may be more responsible in some households for all these day to day jobs, that doesn’t mean that a husband should hear the words “thank you” any less throughout the day than the wife hears.

There are a myriad of little things that Shades of Grey does on a daily basis that I owe him thanks for. Having a husband who thinks the world of you, who appreciates both the good and the bad in you, who loves you for who you are, who is your number one supporter in life and who is there to hold your hand when life gets tough (especially when you’re first getting used to married life and all that it entails), and who is constantly thinking about how he can help you and what he can do for you, is the best feeling in the world and for that he deserves to hear “thank you” 24/7.

Being a wife may not be the easiest thing in life…there are plenty of nights when I’d rather not come home from a busy day at school and cook dinner and wish that it would magically appear on the table for use. But it is at these times that I take a step back and tell myself to remember all the little things that Shades of Grey has done for me during the day that I am thankful for. Whether it was taking out the garbage from last night, texting my during the day to see how I’m doing, buying groceries for dinner so they’re in the house by the time I come home, buying me flowers for Shabbos even on a rushed Friday Erev Shabbos afternoon, picking up the dry cleaning, mailing thank you notes for me, buying me a bag of my favorite candy just because he saw it and thought of me, or cleaning the dishes after dinner so I could relax…there are so many things during the day that he does that I am thankful for.

Even if there wasn’t any specific act that he did for me during the day (although I can’t think of one day that that happened since we were married) simply knowing that he is my husband and how much he loves and supports me is enough to thank him for. For the mere fact of knowing that despite whatever challenges Hashem may give us, I have a life partner to face them with who will stand by my side deserves a thank you. So to all the wives out there…even though it may seem that we are more in charge of the household things, our husbands really do a lot for us and equally deserve to hear “thank you.” Thank them for going through life with you, for laughing in the good times and giving you a shoulder to cry on when life gets tough, for thinking the world of you, and doing whatever they can to make you feel loved and respected.

So in conclusion: Thank you, SoG for all that you do and have done for me since the first day we met!

- Another Shade of Grey

New Maccabeats Music Video For Chanukah!

The Maccabeats and Uri Westrich have done it again - and totally outdone themselves. The new music video called "Candlelight," is absolutely fantastic!

It's the perfect thing to get into the mood for (and during) Chanukah!



Great job guys!!! It's worth watching and re-watching over and over.

Speaking of which... I'm going to click "play" just one more time...

Thank You

It's funny how two little words have become the most repeated in my daily vocabulary.

"Thank you!"

Sure, those words often appear in some modified form, such as "Thank you, sweetheart!" "Wow, thank you SO much!" "Thank you, I really appreciate it." and "You're amazing, thank you!"

It's so easy to say them. Yet, we often have difficulty - dating back to our preschool days - in expressing gratitude for those who help us, give us something, or simply do something nice that we benefit from. I wonder why it is so hard for people's egos to simply let go and acknowledge that there are other people out there who genuinely think about you and want to make things better for you, even in the smallest fashion.

Of course, all of this is kal v'chomer X a bazillion when it comes to being married. There are so many things that can be taken for granted - ever so easily! The nightly dinner, the clean bathroom, the new and empty trash bag, the folded undershirts, the washed and dried cutlery and plates, among a thousand (and more) other things. And that's aside from all the "big" things a spouse can do, such as being emotionally supportive, helping with a major project, or doing favors that he/she does not find pleasant or worthwhile, but you happen to want/need.

Nowhere does halacha obligate a spouse to be the custodial staff/maid of the household. Yet, this other person is willingly making time to ensure that everything you come into contact with is in working order, clean, tastes good, or is otherwise pleasing according to your personal sensibility. Isn't it amazing? It certainly is, but don't you dare take it for granted. Treat him/her like a person, acknowledge that you have noticed all the wonderful things he/she has done for you, and do it with a smile.

Truthfully, merely saying "thank you" isn't enough to cover the debt of gratitude a spouse owes for all the little (and big things) his/her husband/wife does for him/her. More should certainly should be done to express gratitude, but making sure to say "thank you" at every single available opportunity - whether in person, in a cute little note, or on your little magnetized dry-erase board stuck to the fridge (a favorite with ASoG and I) - is an absolute must. Nothing should ever go un-thanked and nothing your spouse ever does should be taken for granted. Buying presents, extending yourself to help/please your spouse, and other things - which should be done with an attitude of wanting to give to your spouse rather than "Oh, I owe him/her one" - are also very appropriate.

Though I have been writing this as gender-neutral as I can, I am quite certain the un-thanked wife/unappreciative husband model is by far the more common one. So guys, be more mindful - and thankful!

And for all the single readers: it definitely pays to develop a sense of always saying thank you now, while you are still unmarried. No reason to wait until your spouse feels aggrieved because you fail to acknowledge the myriad wonderful things he/she does for you every day. We are supposed to have hakaras hatov as an ingrained part of our psyche, whether to HaShem, our parents, or anyone who does something for us. Learn the lesson now, and it will make your marriage that much richer and enjoyable.

So, in conclusion: Thank you ASoG for everything!

You Came In That Thing? You're Braver Than I Thought.

Guys are typically the ones that drive on dates.* They pick their date up at her house/apartment/dormitory, chauffeur her to their destination, and then take her back to where they started, hopefully after a productive outing.

The type of vehicle a guy drives depends on his background, including his personal (or family) income and style. Perhaps he owns his car, which could be a beaten up jalopy or a hand-me-down from an older sibling or parent. He could have borrowed his parent's or friend's car for the evening. Perhaps he even rented a car from the handy dandy Lakewood rent-a-car-for-shidduchim place or from Zipcar.

But let's say all those options aren't available, or for one reason or another, his usual source of wheels is unable to accommodate his schedule and he's strapped for an option. What would you do, dear female reader, if your gentleman caller arrived at your dwelling in one of these babies

Indeed, what would you do?

I recently overheard from a female relative that one of her friends couldn't find a ride or borrow a car to attend a wedding. Being too young to rent a car (the average age for car renting is 25 due to the increased risk of accidents in drivers below that age) she decided to rent a $19.95 small U-Haul truck. The friend and her fellow wedding goers made it to and from the wedding without issue.

While discussing the hilarious incident afterward, her mother joked that she might just create a new trend in shidduch dating for guys who don't have a car and are too young to rent one, namely: U-Haul daters. She even said this could revolutionize shidduchim. The friend replied that if a guy ever picked her up in a U-Haul, she'd propose on the spot. Her mother didn't think that was such a great idea, understandably.

Maybe she was taking a cue from the title of this post - bonus points to anyone who can cite the reference without Google.

At any rate, what do the female readers out there think about this interesting possibility?

*I say "typically" because I drove on 2 dates during my dating career (a large number of dates consisting of subway or taxis only), and actually was driven on far more dates than I can recall. I guess that's what happens when you're an out-of-towner scared to death of driving in New York. The dates where I drove took place in my hometown during a school break, and even after getting married I have yet to get behind the wheel anywhere near the city - so I owe a big debt of thanks to ASoG.

Do We Really Appreciate What We Have?

Judaism is full of rules and regulations. Often enough, we may be confronted with a halacha that we come to view as a stricture, as in "If only I wasn't prohibited to do X, then life would be that much more fun/interesting/care free/insert-other-adjective-here." But do we really appreciate what having some guidelines for life really does for us?

I just read an article about a rapper who converted to Judaism on the New York Times website (thanks to Hirhurim for the link) that is simply inspiring in my mind. Maybe it's just my background as a ba'al teshuva, but I don't think I've ever seen anyone in any of these sorts of articles (which seem become more and more common place - maybe the geulah is coming soon after all J) really talk about how Judaism provides a productive structure for living. Most of the time, the convert talks about find spiritual fulfillment, meaning in general, but not in the fact that Judaism places stringencies on your everyday conduct.

In high school, I saw many good, Jewish kids, who excelled in their Judaic and secular studies at our day school, veer off into paths of indulgence, partying, and involvement in things like underage drinking, smoking, and drugs. Thankfully, none (that I am aware of, though I know of other similar kids who attended my high school after I graduated) degenerated to the level that they needed to spend time in a rehab center or were arrested. One of the key things my parents noticed most about my transformation into a pretty straight-laced ba'al teshuva was that I never got into the trouble that many of my peers did (not that I want to be boastful about my behavior at all, I simply have my then-newfound devotion to learning and observance to thank for keeping me out of trouble). Because I knew being involved in a number of the activities my peers chose to partake of were problematic halachically, I avoided the greater conflicts that were present in doing what they did with their lives.

Anyway, I want to quote a few sections from the article that really emphasize this point, which I think many FFB people simply have no understanding of - not because they intellectually can't, but because their background doesn't provide the framework to wrap their minds around it.

“What are the laws?” he said, explaining his decision to adhere to the Orthodox level of observance. “I want to know the laws. I don’t want to know the leniencies. I never look for the leniencies because of all of the terrible things I’ve done in my life, all of the mistakes I’ve made.”

As one of my rabbeim once told me, we live in a chumra-obsessed society. People want to take on every chumra (stringency) to be frummer than the next guy - it's nothing but a competition lacking the soul. Do people honestly take on chumros for the purpose of having greater order in their life - to prevent the chance of making a mistake, because being lenient might give them, personally, a greater leeway to commit an aveirah?

“What I do get is boundaries,” he said. “Definition and form. And that is what Shabbat is. You can’t just do whatever you want to do. You have to set limits for yourself.

“All these rules, rules, rules,” he said with his hand on an open page of the Talmud. “But you know what you have if you don’t have rules? You end up with a bunch of pills in your stomach. When you don’t know when to say when and no one tells you no, you go off the deep.”

It's so true, so very, very true, at least from what I've seen with friends and acquaintances. Good, decent kids, who lacked a continuing adherance to even the more minimal observance of Judaism which they had pre-high school just go totally off, not off the derech, but off the entire map altogether, ending up who knows where with a boatload of problems. It's very true that a major part of all this was a laxity in parenting that didn't encourage rules in general, but kal v'chomer who didn't encourage their children to continue to find meaning within the bounds of Torah study and mitzvah observance. I know of a few very good kids who have since gone off and intermarried because of this sort of free-for-all with regard to rules.

Everyone, on their own level, needs to come to terms with what it means to live a Torah-observant lifestyle, and find meaning in the "do nots" and "shall nots." Hopefully, it won't take a prison sentence to open our eyes to the Emes of the gift that has been given to us by birth - or the gift we recognized as True and chose to accept - in our Jewishness. If so many people, including those from not-so-great backgrounds, can discover real meaning, not just in the spiritual highs, but the seemingly "monotonous" rules as well - then maybe we can bring the geulah that much closer to fruition.

*As a caveat, I do not necessarily agree with Shyne/Moses Levi's hashkafic views that since there's nothing mentioned in the Chumash about driving fancy cars or living "the lifestyle that I live," that it's okay to be totally extravagant. The second bit may be slightly out of context, considering the article doesn't really depict him as living the gangsta rapper lifestyle anymore. We should still live modestly, comfortably, but not necessarily with total indulgence just because we have boatloads of money. If you're able to live very confortably, why not put the extra money to better uses like philanthropy or visiting Israel? But that's just my short critique.

Additionally, I am not in any way in favor of super-observance to the point of driving kids off the derech. Mindless observance without meaning gets you nowhere good. Finding the depth of meaning, and applying it to our lives is the key.

Post Wedding Report - Part 4

Don't forget Parts 1, 2 and 3.

I will say that it is darn hard to figure out how to stay smiling so long during that march to the chuppah, as well as how to configure your facial expressions during the time you’re up there. The second issue is more relevant to the chosson who is up there during the entire procession of the kallah’s family, though the walk-down is something they both must confront. Smiling the entire way down, without moving a muscle above the neck is very difficult, not to mention somewhat painful - particularly after having exercised those cheeks, lips, and eyebrows for several hours beforehand. While I did smile the whole way down the aisle, I didn’t just stare ahead like a zombie, I looked to the side (the men’s side that is) and saw family, friends, and rabbeim standing and beaming with anticipation.

While the whole day felt so surreal, that particular aura was compounded dozens, if not hundreds of times over the minute I stepped through that door. Everyone, and I mean everyone was looking right at me. Man was that intense, to say the least.

My mind was racing, a million questions flying through my head, most wondering if this, in fact, reality.

Was this really happening?

Was this day finally here?

After all the trials and tribulations of two and a half years of dating, the ups and downs, disappointments and triumphs, was I really walking toward my own chuppah, holding the hands of the two people who gave birth to me and raised me to be the man I have become?

Was I really about to start my own family, to have someone I love and care about take on my last name and align herself with me over her own parents and siblings?

Was I really ready to be a husband; did I have what it takes to be loving, understanding, patient, considerate, respectful –and a hundred other things – to truly fulfill the role as it should be?

Was I mature enough, responsible enough, and grown enough to take upon the responsibilities required of me?

In short: Was I really ready?

The answer to all those questions, at that moment, and certainly now (at least I hope) was simply: yes.

Once we ascended the few steps to the chuppah, we had a little bit of a break as the band began to sing Mi Adir. The wedding coordinator told my parents to dress me in the kittel, to which Mom replied, “I have no idea how to do that!” Dad stepped in, very nonchalantly, and offered his services. Dad helped me into the white robe – which was to remind me of the personal Yom Kippur I had endured all day until this moment, the purity that my soul had attained in being forgiven of all of my sins, the holiness of the day, as well as the day of death, since one day (G-d willing not anytime soon) I will also don a white robe, but for the last time.

Standing up there is a bit nerve-wracking. I had my list of things to daven for, primarily thanks to this wonderful article on Aish.com. I printed that list out and read it probably 5 or 6 times over the course of the day that I had practically memorized it. I also davened for all the single friends I knew, both those present and elsewhere. The one tefillah that I kept repeating over and over again, almost mantra-like was that “ASoG and I should be always be as happy and fulfilled in our lives together as we are at this most sacred and elevated moment.”

I very distinctly remember my Mother commenting to me after my graduation from our local Jewish day school in 8^th grade that I never smiled or seemed happy while I was up on stage with my classmates. I replied that I wasn’t happy at all, it was a very serious moment and I was in fact a bit sad, since I knew we were all never going to be in the same class together again, with different kids going to one of six different schools. Because of this incident, I told myself I wouldn’t be stone faced under the chuppah, despite the gravity of the occasion.

As I alternatively watched ASoG’s relatives walk down, scanned the crowd, and closed my eyes in prayer, I made sure to vary my facial expressions, going from smiley happy, to serious concentration, and optimistic longing for ASoG – as well as many other emotions that were swirling through me.

The moment ASoG appeared was absolutely magical.

The band did a stupendous job at creating just the right atmosphere with each walk-down theme - particularly when ASoG was escorted down the aisle toward me –I was almost in tears. Yom Chuppah L’Chatan mentions that it is particularly important for a chosson to shed tears under the chuppah as part of the overall teshuva process of the day. Although no tears flowed down my cheeks, I was darn close. I remember one chosson who married a friend of mine had both tears and mucus from his nose running down his face to the point where I really wanted to announce “won’t someone get the poor boy a tissue!?!” Perhaps that memory kept me in check…

When ASoG was within a few feet of the chuppah, I descended the steps to go greet her, as it were. Her parents released her hands, and we walked side-by-side up to the chuppah – the first act of leaving her parents’ home to join me in forming our own.