Sunday, May 15, 2011

Single? Who, Me?

I received a phone call this afternoon from a woman I did not know. She spoke very quickly, firing off several sentences that I failed to understand because of her rapid speech pattern. I did, however, manage to hear the words "shadchan," "Saw You At Sinai," and something about a shidduch suggestion.

I politely asked her to repeat herself, since I figured she was calling me as a fellow SYAS/YUConnects matchmaker to ask about one of the guys or girls that ASoG and I work with. However, when she began to re-say what she had told me, it turned out to be an entirely different story.

She reintroduced herself as a shadchan for SYAS, and that she had recently met with a friend who was also a shadchan and got my name from her little black book. She had a shidduch idea for me and wanted to know if I was available to hear more in order to gauge my interest.

I quickly covered the phone's input and laughed out loud, giving ASoG an incredulous look (she had no clue what was going on, but I told her after I hung up). I told the woman that I was very flattered, but I that I was already married. She was a bit taken aback, clearly confused that her information had been out of date. She asked me when we got married, and I told her it was X months ago (not yesterday or last week, mind you) - and I could almost see her embarrassed expression as she fumbled over her words to figure out how to gracefully end the conversation.

So she decided to ask who my wife was, I told her, and she didn't have a clue. It was a nice try, but she failed in the Jewish Geography department. She wished us much bracha and mazal tov and hung up as fast as she could.

Now, I will admit that I've made a similar mistake before by approaching an acquaintance here at YU and asking if he was available for a shidduch suggestion, only to discover that he recently became engaged. Though I was also a bit embarrased, I honestly didn't know the guy well enough that I'd be on his "must call" list to announce the news. Nor am I someone who regularly visits Only Simchas to find out the latest news on who got engaged and who got married.

However, not knowing someone has been engaged, married, and had their YUConnects account deactivated is a little much. I wonder who the other shadchan was that was the source of my contact info.

Anyway, one friend of mine actually made this same mistake with a guy he sort of knew who was also learning in Lakewood. He approached him one morning after Shacharis and told him that his wife had a friend in mind that might be worth looking into. The guy replied to my friend with a wink and said he'd have to ask his wife first. My friend immediately apologized and slunk away, embarrassed.

Has this happened to any of the engaged/married folks out there? If so, please share your own story of someone discovering your already taken status.


  1. I can imagine that must be embarrasing. what's also funny is if someone is standing with someone looking at a group and says, what about that one, and the girl answers that's my brother lol awkward

  2. My friend's sister-in-law had the same scenario. She was married for over a half a year and received a phone call from a shadchan. I think these kinds of mix ups are common. How many shadchanim do most singles visit? A lot. Especially if one has been dating for a few years. How is every shadchan supposed to know who's available and who isn't?
    Therefore, it's wise for a shadchan to first ask the supposedly single guy/gal "are you available to date right now?"

  3. Happened to my brother, who at the time was married for over 2 years. My mother fielded the suggestion and got some pleasure telling the person who was "up to date" and "so close to us" to eat her words.


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